This is my Mama D. AKA Denise, AKA my second mom. Today is her birthday.
I haven't always had a Mama D. She came to our family after I moved to San Luis Obispo and I can honestly say it helped me relax about moving away. I didn't worry so much about my dad being lonely after I left and took our kitty with me for awhile.
I am so excited to be going home tomorrow to see Mom and my Dad. I haven't really been able to spend as much time with them this past year as I would've liked to. I'm glad I get to go home for a few days and see the family and celebrate Denise's birthday too.
I'm a pretty sensitive kid. You wouldn't know it because I'm always joking and I laugh a lot. I like making other people laugh. I like to make other people feel like the best person they can be. I live for that kind of a thing. Hell if you think about it, it's kind of what I do for a living. I think the world would be a better place if everyone went around thinking how they could make other people feel good about themselves.
But for all the smiling and joking, I'm really a sensitive kid. I cry pretty easily when I'm alone. How emo, I know, feelings are lame. But it's true. I cry at talking animal movies, any movie where someone dies, I cry at books, I cry at sad songs. I am just this massive ball of emotional retardedness.
Someone asked me recently why I always say "It's fine, don't worry about it." I think it's because I'm telling myself that. Because being so far away from my support system, falling apart every time something hurts my feelings, it's not an option. Because if someone yells at me at work or I misread someone's intentions in my life, I can't just run over to Teresa's house or go to the Black Sheep and tell Nicole about it over some veggie chilli. Hell I can't even go to the radio station and unload on Jojo (which I'm sure he's relieved about, ha ha) or make Tristan go to McCarthy's with me so he can tell me to sack up, rub some dirt on it and walk it off.
On the same level I can't just get in the car and drive two hours and be at my parents house either. Or Jackie's house. Or well... anyone. I'm six hours away at least from everyone who knows me best. So being sad, having a fit, needing something, these aren't options. It has to be okay. I can not worry about it.
Like on Thursday we had this huge event. And some stuff went wrong. And I couldn't freak out. I had no option but to say it was fine, walk it off and put a big smiley face on for the television camera and for my people. So yeah I guess I say "It's fine, don't worry about it," a lot. It's sort of like my mantra any more.
And it is.. it's fine. Moving up here was the scariest thing I have ever done. I don't think anyone understands how good, at least emotionally I had it at my last job. I was safe. I was with friends, hell those people are my family. It was fun and I had very little to account for. (Although Jo would probably tell you I kept trying to get more to do and probably over worked myself for what I was making, but hey you do that for the things/people you love) But with the love and support of my family and friends I made this jump to the moon and I'm here now trying to make my way. Trying. Most of the time it's going well.
I'm not an only child by any means. I have two sisters, but I am the oldest. I've never had any brothers and have no idea what it would be like.
However when I was working at the Sea Shanty down in SLO I seemed to acquire a few of them. My two favorites being my boy Jojo and my big brother Danny.
This is at my going away party. This picture is on my desk.
I think about these two all the time. My last few months in San Luis Obispo, man I wouldn't have made it if it hadn't been for them listening to me freak out and cry and these two knuckleheads constantly making me laugh and putting up with the fact I would just walk into their office and sit on the floor and cry like an idiot. I could be 811 years old and I will always consider them not just my friends, but my family.
It's funny I miss them like crazy and am often reminded of this fact when I'm on the Facebook, like this morning. I was very blessed with my time there at the Sea Shanty and I'll probably never not be grateful for it.
There are more, the lovely DJ Slick, the amazing Sauve Javi, the very cool, talented and extremely nice DJ SOL... Damn man, I miss you all so much. There isn't anything like that going in Nor Cal, this is certain.
I'm grateful because all of these people helped me find my way when I was so lost. I can't thank them enough, which means you'll hear about them again someday.
Close to ten years ago when Jeremy Cross and I were dating and he lived with his band, his awfully stupid, but very sweet cat Nico got pregnant with a litter of the best kitties ever. Among the best of the best were Cheddar Bob and Choco Cat. It's funny because I wanted both of them, even though I already had a cat but a... anyway someone we knew adopted them. But they ended back up with us a couple of years later and had been a part of the family ever since.
Choco Cat was a great cat. He was HUGE like a dog and only meowed like this "me-ow. Me. Ow." unless he was talking to Mama D and then he would say "Mom." You think I'm joking but it's true. He always would climb in my lap when I went home and sleep and drool and purr. Huge baby. Best cat ever.
Unfortunately cats can't talk. No matter how much we think they can, they can't tell us when they're ill and so Choco couldn't tell my dad and Mama D he had a brain tumor. And sadly this afternoon he had to be put to sleep.
I will miss you, you big silly cat. You were a great companion and the biggest sweetie that ever was. You family and your cat family (Cheddar, Azriel and Lily) will miss you tons.
So I've been lacking a little holiday spirit this year for many reasons, mostly that Christmas isn't really my thing to begin with but money, being busy and it just not feeling like Christmas hasn't helped much either.
But yesterday I got a Christmas Miracle of being able to shop for my family and a few of my friends and today I went out and picked up a few things and I am feeling a little less doom and gloom about the holiday season than I was last week.
I know Christmas isn't about presents but it does make me feel good to be able to make the people in my life that I love know that I appreciate them and love them as well.
In case you don't hear from me until after the holidays (yeah right, I'm a total blabbermouth) have a safe and wonderful Christmas.
So earlier today I was cleaning all the various little slips of paper and crap out of my purse during my break at work and I found a business card I had picked up during my trip home to visit my folks. I had sort of forgotten about it, but it turns out I had a conversation and a drink with a guy that runs a porn website.
Yeah. A porn website, with a name I can't even repeat here!
For the record he was super nice and didn't talk to me about anything other than promotion and radio, but still kind of funny to think I sat at the bar with my dad and some dude that runs a porn website over the holidays.
The thing you should take away from this story is that my life, it's never boring.
Sorry I haven't been posting, I was gone to see some family. So here are some images....
Me and two old school radio friends of mine The Real Bruce Wayne and Joe Brown
The parents
My cat Azriel who not only loves the Boston Red Sox, he also only loves my dad. Which is why he doesn't live with me.
Central Coast wines in the Valley.
My favorite self portrait as of late. This is another of my dad's cats, Cheddarbob who is a love whore and probably an allergists worst nightmare. This is also the blog debut of my new haircut from the lovely Erika at Cost Cutters in SLO.
So if you follow me on twitter you know that my good friend Teresa (aka @tlsquared) works here as well. After watching me jam my sort of expensive headphones (okay pretty darn expensive) into my purse day after day because I don't have a locker here or anything, so decided enough was enough and made me a bag for my "cans," as the radio folks like to call them.
This is so awesome. And better than the whole sticking them in a Crown Royale bag as radio jocks are want to do, because my headphones are too big for a standard Crown bag.
This has always been pretty funny to me since I pretty much have unlimited access to Crown bags since my stepmom works in a bar. I really should just start reselling them to other DJ's.
When I was a kid my grandma worked at the Broadway, which is what Macy's is now. That was my first exposure to Hello Kitty. They had a Sanrio stand in the juniors department and because of that I had Hello Kitty in my life for as long as I can remember.
Later after Grandma Awesome retired, Hello Kitty migrated to Long's Drug stores and eventually to her own (now defunct) store in the same mall where the Broadway was. I pretty much own Hello Kitty everything and I owe my friendship with this feline all to my Grandma. Much like my tuna recipe, my love for going to the "drug store" for fun and probably my love for Avila Beach.
My Awesome Mama D wants to take me to this: Hello Kitty 3 Apples. I might die of happy. I'm just sayin'...
Happy Birthday Kitty! I know you're not real (hello, I'm 30!) but thank you for always being a part of my life.
Today would have been my Grandma's birthday. It's been awhile but I still miss her every day and am currently growing one of her cacti in my yard. I had no doubt it would grow since Avila Beach was her favorite place in the world. Happy Birthday Grandma, I miss you!
