7:30 on New Years Eve

I'm sippy a cocktail and getting ready to get into a fly girl party dress and head off to a party at the boyfriend's friend's house.

Wow this isn't where I thought I'd be 365 days ago when I was sitting at Sushiya with Kristin and Kenny and Amber. I wasn't sure what 2010 was going to bring.

It brought a lot of changes. A new job. New love. New house. New city. New friends.

Man who knew?

I didn't.

Last year I wrote a blog on New Years Eve called "Just say F@#k it" because life had just been too hard for too long and I decided to take up the motto "F#@k it." It sort of served me pretty well this year. I did things I never thought I would. Had great experiences. Moved forward (but not completely on, y'all back home are still in my heart big time, always.) and just hoped for things to get better.

I guess they finally did.

Happy New Year.

oh M.I.A you so weird

I got this album sent to me right after I met Ben.



We were still just friends then. We were just friends for awhile after I moved up here. I had no intention of having a relationship with anyone really. But Ben is really endearing and adorable. He gives these fully body hugs that just feel like someone is putting a little protective bubble around you. And he gives them (at least to me) with reckless abandon. He's never been shy about being affectionate towards me, even when we were just friends who ate dinner together or went to the Old Man Bars together because I really didn't know anyone here but him and Sarah.

Anyway I think the first time I ever had an inkling that I really liked Ben for more than his dinner conversations was driving around one day this summer listening to this song. It may have been while he was on the East Coast with his family and I realized that I missed him. I think we talked on the phone more in those couple of weeks than we ever have now. (He lives five minutes away from me, the phone is just to tell me to unlock the door of the apartment.) He listened to all my gripes about being lonely here and assured me that I wouldn't die up here and the cat wouldn't eat my face or any of that. He made me laugh.

So not only does this song remind me of the latter half of 2010, it reminds me of Ben and hearing him laugh over the phone from 3000 miles away when I was still sleeping on the floor and spending every night sitting next to my pool listening to music wondering what the hell I'd done by moving here.

I'm gonna tell you a secret

This was not our first date, date. But it was the first time we went out in a group with some friends.

Goofing off at my house before a Seahawks game.

Goofing off at my house before I left for a remote.

Goofing off at Duffy's when the Giants won the World Series.

At Noriega's for my mom's birthday.

Secret time? I love this man. Bigger secret? He loves me too.

hazy shade of winter

Last night I judged a high school battle of the bands at Cafe Coda here in Chico and it was pretty crazy how much NOTHING has changed about these scenes/kids since I was a little live music rat at fifteen. The fashion isn't honestly that different, and the little cliques of kids, very similar.

And the bands... man the bands, so heart stoppingly earnest and not technically good, but their little hearts are just splattered all over everything. And yeah, there are still the dorky joke bands ala the Dead Milkmen and the jocky rich kid bands ala Pennywise. It's alarmingly similar to my life 15 years ago.

For some reason though instead of seeming comical to me, it was just sweet. It made me smile. I'm glad to see that this home for "outsiders" exists in the world still and even still in a really small place like Chico where they only have two high schools and being "normal" is just the only way to be.

Emily kept apologizing for keeping me so long yesterday, but I didn't mind. I liked watching the kids have their night out and talking to a few of them that know me from the radio. They seemed pretty blown away that I was there (which honestly is a far nicer reception than any radio person would've gotten in our scene back in Bakersfield at that time. "Effin sellouts! Raaarr") and the band that won, Color Me Plaid were this cute little acoustic duo, think half of early Paramore, this probably 14-16 year old girl with braces and pink hair singing her heart out. And I was glad for her band to have won, because it is incredibly brave to get up there on stage in front of other mean little teenagers and sing your heart out. So good for her. I wanted to talk to her afterwards but didn't. I mean who cares what some creepy old lady thinks?

All in all though, it was an enjoyable evening and I need to go back and check out Cafe Coda again for food and breakfast.

mushy

There's something about Ben that turns me into a mush monster. Seriously. I am not a giggly crushy crush girl but I do in fact have a crush on my boyfriend. He came over last night and we had dinner and cocktails and I watched "The Walking Dead" while he graded papers.

Do you know how cute it is to watch your man grade papers? It's damn cute. I never thought I'd be a girl with a boyfriend who grades papers on her couch. He has a red pen and everything. What?

Or there are times when he is saying something incredibly odd and that I'm pretty sure most people would just go "What the eff?" and I just laugh. I like how quirky he is and I like that he's quick to laugh and always smiles for me. He never thinks anything I have to say is weird and once told me "Everything you do is so cool."

Trust me a girl likes hearing that.

This is a guy who brought me warm socks and pastries at my biggest event ever. He took care of me when I got home and was sore beyond all reason. He surprises me sometimes by taking out my trash or loading my dishwasher. I'll come dragging home from work after he's stayed here only to find a dishwasher full of clean glasses and spoons and my pots and pans soaking in the sink to make it easier on me to load them later. He plays with my cat (she still likes the fishing pole game) because "Mommy" is boring and usually just wants to pet her. He's a stuff fixer.

In short, we are very happy. He said to me once that I am his best friend and I think that's pretty rad.

Things about me you may not know

I'm a pretty sensitive kid. You wouldn't know it because I'm always joking and I laugh a lot. I like making other people laugh. I like to make other people feel like the best person they can be. I live for that kind of a thing. Hell if you think about it, it's kind of what I do for a living. I think the world would be a better place if everyone went around thinking how they could make other people feel good about themselves.

But for all the smiling and joking, I'm really a sensitive kid. I cry pretty easily when I'm alone. How emo, I know, feelings are lame. But it's true. I cry at talking animal movies, any movie where someone dies, I cry at books, I cry at sad songs. I am just this massive ball of emotional retardedness.

Someone asked me recently why I always say "It's fine, don't worry about it." I think it's because I'm telling myself that. Because being so far away from my support system, falling apart every time something hurts my feelings, it's not an option. Because if someone yells at me at work or I misread someone's intentions in my life, I can't just run over to Teresa's house or go to the Black Sheep and tell Nicole about it over some veggie chilli. Hell I can't even go to the radio station and unload on Jojo (which I'm sure he's relieved about, ha ha) or make Tristan go to McCarthy's with me so he can tell me to sack up, rub some dirt on it and walk it off.

On the same level I can't just get in the car and drive two hours and be at my parents house either. Or Jackie's house. Or well... anyone. I'm six hours away at least from everyone who knows me best. So being sad, having a fit, needing something, these aren't options. It has to be okay. I can not worry about it.

Like on Thursday we had this huge event. And some stuff went wrong. And I couldn't freak out. I had no option but to say it was fine, walk it off and put a big smiley face on for the television camera and for my people. So yeah I guess I say "It's fine, don't worry about it," a lot. It's sort of like my mantra any more.

And it is.. it's fine. Moving up here was the scariest thing I have ever done. I don't think anyone understands how good, at least emotionally I had it at my last job. I was safe. I was with friends, hell those people are my family. It was fun and I had very little to account for. (Although Jo would probably tell you I kept trying to get more to do and probably over worked myself for what I was making, but hey you do that for the things/people you love) But with the love and support of my family and friends I made this jump to the moon and I'm here now trying to make my way. Trying. Most of the time it's going well.

so that was weird

I met a girl last night at the Flyleaf show who is a fan of mine. Like an honest to goodness ran down the street and jumped up to hug me fan. I haven't experienced much of that.

Lacey from Flyleaf is actually smaller than me. She's very sweet and very pretty in person. I could put her in my pocket and taken her home. But Lily might have eaten her. That tiny.

Pretty weird to hug someone who's been nominated for a Grammy. Pretty weird to go on stage and not think a thing of it, but that's what Jeremy and I did last night.

Hung out with Adelle afterwards, while she ate her dinner after getting off work at Duffy's. Came home, watched some tv (I'm trying to see what the big deal is about the Vampire Diaries so I borrowed it. So far I'm not impressed but I was pretty exhausted last night.)

Got my Halloween costume yesterday. ITS PERFECT.

Had some sad news from back home. A former co-worker of mine and a fantastic lady has had Cancer for awhile now and yesterday they told her she has a week left. They told her she had six months to live about four years ago though, so obviously her doctors are wrong. Obviously.

Ben has had a cold since Sunday. He let me fuss over him and take care of him Sunday night because we were already together when he started feeling crappy but he's been holed up at home since. I miss him. My friend Cesareo is in town tonight playing a show and I'd like to take Ben if he's up to it.

Blah blah blah.

photo dump

Beautiful at the Sacramento River

Ben and I at a fundraiser

Beer!

nights

Last night Ben and I went to Chronic Tacos and then for drinks at the Bear and the Banshee with our friend Sarah.

This is us at the Bear

The funny thing about pictures of me, I rarely smile even when I'm having a great time. And last night was one of those great times. We were very silly, wandering downtown Chico, laughing at random stuff. It was good.

Sometimes things being simple is really awesome. Life got a little complicated back in San Luis Obispo at the end. Nothing I wouldn't have worked out and nothing I didn't work out but sometimes it feels like I was supposed to come here. Maybe for work. Maybe to save a friendship that could've gone really wrong if I hadn't made the jump. Maybe to help someone find the person they were supposed to be with. I never know why. But it's pretty good here most of the time, when people aren't trying to blow up my apartment or I'm not thinking of making the cat get a job.

Now if only my maid would show up and clean my damn house...when you work 10 hours a day, five days a week, you really don't usually feel like cleaning house on your day off.

eff chico

So last night I was sitting in my apartment talking to Ben when I heard this "boom" sound.

It sounded like someone hit my car, so I ran outside. Nope, someone LIT MY LANDLORD'S CAR ON FIRE. Needless to say I FREAKED OUT. And ran outside to move mine. But then the tree next to our houses went up in flames and I don't know I just started crying.

I've had a really bad week. Like epically bad. I'm broker than shit, I am seriously trying to figure out how to live off of sixty dollars for the next 7 days without borrowing any money or whatever. I've had a couple of other ishy things happen to me in my personal life that aren't worth blogging about and the last thing in the world I wanted/needed is my house to burn the eff down.

I screamed up the stairs and Ben called the fire department. My neighbors came out. Ben came down and dragged me away from any of the cars because I didn't need to move mine and in case my landlord's new car exploded he kinda didn't want me to explode. So we stood there, me in my Hello Kitty pj's, and watched my house almost burn down.

The fire department came. The cops came. My poor landlord looked pretty upset. Duh, her brand new car had just exploded. Apparently my amazingly cool landlord had evicted someone and well, this was their idea of a good time and pay back.

I'm exhausted. I'm broke. I'm angry. I'm grateful my house didn't actually burn down.

Anyway...

the mystery of the boy

Danhella asked about Ben.

I've said his name a few times here and haven't really talked about him much, which is silly since I see him more than anyone else in Chico. I guess I was trying to be respectful of the feelings of my last boyfriend, because I do care how he feels, but he's known about Ben for a minute and from what I have heard out of his own mouth, is seeing someone else already as well, so... yeah let's talk about Ben.

This is Ben and I at Johnnie's. This was probably taken like a week ago. This is my favorite old man bar to drink at and I've turned Ben on to it. As of today I've known Ben for three months. We haven't been dating this entire time mind you, but I met him the weekend of my birthday. At first I was just stoked to have a friend, who was a local and who knew where I could get some tasty Thai food or when the best time to go to Duffy's was. Or you know a friend with horrible taste in Netflix movies, because he has horrible taste in Netflix movies, but excellent taste in tacos.

Ben has always been kinda protective of me and has taken care of me since I moved up here, weather it be feeding me when I've been broke or running me some cash at the golf tournament in Paradise or fixing my computer. He's always made me laugh and he has this great smile and silly sense of humor that I get. Plus he loves cats. A major requirement for the mom of a Lily Monster. And Lily likes Ben.

This is from when we went wine tasting. He'd never been before so I took him. We had a great time. We always have fun together. Even doing nothing, like when he comes over and brings his papers to grade and I catch up on Weeds and True Blood. Like that stuff is fun with us. Or when I cook these big elaborate meals because he likes my cooking. And he likes going to shows with me and hanging out with my two or three friends I do have here. I took him to Del Taco for his very first time last week on the way to and from Muse... Can you believe that, he's lived 45 minutes from Del Taco his whole life and had never been! Insane!

When I was in San Luis Obispo a couple of weeks back, I missed him. He watched my cat while I was gone. And he did my dishes and mopped my floor. He doesn't even live here, he just wanted to do something nice for me. He talked to me on the phone while I made my 10 hour trek back and was here waiting when I got home at 2 am. When my dad had to put Choco to sleep two weeks ago, Ben bought me flowers and went out with me and drove me home. And that was the night we decided that yeah, we're going to do this. We're together right now.

Ben hates football and won't play a long and wear a Seahawks hat on Sundays, but he goes with me every week if I want to. Even though it's not his thing, because he knows I like it. And there is generally booze at Sunday Funday. I'll convert him yet. He looks really cute in my Seahawks hat, but I promised I wouldn't post the picture. (It's really cute though.)

Ben's a little younger than me, no big deal. He's a grad student and scary smart. Total nerd. He's also teaching and installing something to do with dirt at some place in Oroville. He won't tell you this, but he's a great photographer and actually knows about music I've never heard before. He's also a fanatic about brushing his teeth and bought me some seriously awesome toothpaste once because I'd never tried it. (Toms of Maine, get some, its great.) He's also really cool about certain attachments I have to certain friends and either understands it or has given up trying to change my mind. Either way, he's rad about it.

The other thing I like about Ben.. he's no bullshit. He doesn't have a bullshit bone in his body. He's straight forward, even if I'm not going to like the answer. He gives great hugs, super comforting and he thinks I'm gorgeous and classy. So he can stay for now. Ha ha.

And that's the truth about Ben. Mystery solved

signs that I'm not from Nor Cal

Ben and I were drinking sake that his brother just brought back from Japan (like nothing in the box is in English) that comes in a juice box at the Muse show. Hipster much?

Also the crowds in Sacramento? Klassy. Yes with a K.

Even the largest city that's reasonable driving distance to me is moon like.

But from now on whenever I go to an arena show I'm renting a pregnant woman to go with. Adele made us all look responsible and people gave us a lot of space. Ha ha. But the baby enjoyed the show from what Adele said. Baby girl was dancing up a storm.

Muse!

Tonight, my afternoon guy and annoying brother I never knew I had, Jeremy, the lovely Adele and that one guy Ben ;-) and I are all heading down to Sacramento to see Muse at the Arco Arena with some other people from Chico, who I haven't met yet, but all of Jeremy's friends are cool so I'm not worried.

Road Trip! Concerts! Tailgating! Del Taco! Yes please!

photo dump 8.30.10

So Happy it's Happy Hour

Just dyed my hair

Asleep at the wheel at Fox

Chronic Tacos

Butte County fair

House of Rice

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dumb stuff you don't think about

The thing about moving is you don't even think about some things that you're going to need when you first turn up at your new place. Like paper towels or dish soap or I don't know a freakin' towel.

I went through all of that my first night in my place. I had to go to Target right after work just to be able to shower before I hit the train and went back to SLO to get my stuff. But now even with my stuff here, on an almost daily basis I realize I need something I don't have. Like when I needed a broom and couldn't find one. Or like last night when I realized I really really need to vacuum my floors but I haven't owned my own vacuum in years. Bummer. I was ranting and raving about it to a friend online late last night, because that's the normal time to realize you have a delivery team coming in the next day and the floor hasn't been vacuumed since you moved in.

I also really need a mop. Go figure that I didn't pack a mop. Or that I forgot my step stool and have to keep a folding chair in my kitchen so I can reach stuff. Or that I forgot that I threw out all of my book cases when I moved into my last place and now have zero shelving.

Its kind of funny though, when you're a kid, no one ever says "Man you know what I want? A really nice vacuum cleaner." Except now I do, and it doesn't even have to be NICE. Just something that sucks dirt off the ground. Ehhh maybe I'll have a look at Craigslist...

state of the Chico address

So since moving to the Planet Chico I've acquired some bitchin' free cable. I seriously have every channel out there. And internet. And a phone. Rad. Oh and I get paid to have it. Not too shabby if you ask me. Then I acquired a gym membership to what I am told is the best gym in town. Stoked, I just need to go in and sign up and turn in my certificates. Then I can start working out again (yay!) and continue to be the incredible shrinking Stephanie. Seriously I look NOTHING like I did a year ago. It's awesome.

Now I've just left a meeting where I'm getting a new bed. This is my first BRAND NEW BED that I didn't buy off of some one or have purchased for me by a parent or whatever. My very first grown up bed! LOL. No really though, I get to go to the store and pick out the bed of my dreams. I am more than excited about it.

And grateful. Seriously I was so scared to move up here and there are still days when I'm laying on the Craigslist futon and wonder if I can get up and do this again another day, or if it's ever going to stop being NEW and confusing and mildly scary, but at least once a week something cool surprises me and I feel... almost at home I guess.

My heart is still in San Luis Obispo, that's for sure. I mean I miss everyone and everything thing there constantly. Like there are still days I'd give anything to go walk into the Black Sheep with Teresa and drink a red drink and bitch about our jobs and boys with Nicole. Or to walk out to Pete's Pierside and eat an incredible fish taco and see my friends Trent and Lora and laugh and drink beers. And don't even get me started on how much I miss my Mr Rick's family or the incredibly bad ass staff over at Wild 106.1 because even as crappy as some stuff was (or silly or flat out inappropriate in the best way, really) my time there was, it's all in my heart and I am better for my time in "radio hell" (Or did I used to call it the 7th Level of Radio Hell. Or Where Radio Goes to Die, I can't remember, but I was WRONG on all counts.)

But I'm definitely finding my feet here. Making friends. Realizing my jocks are total bad asses. Finding places I like to go. Getting my grown up house together. Laying at my pool and reading lots of books and doing whatever the hell I feel like when I want to, because I can.

Like for instance the other day I looked up how far it is to go to Seattle. Did you know that I can drive to Seattle, Washington in 11 hours? It takes 8 hours to get to SLO for reference. I'm thinking about getting a couple of friends and making a road trip up there. I haven't been since I was a little kid and I'd love to see it again. And not be the only Seahawks fan for 1000000s of miles.

Later this week, Megan and Grant will be here. My first overnight guests since I moved to Planet Chico. I'm pretty excited to see them because duh, Megan is my BFF and I adore Grant. But it will be neat to show someone around my new town and introduce them to friends I've made here.

I remember the week or so before I left SLO, sitting in my boss Jojo's office and just bawling constantly thinking I was never going to make any friends and how I was just going to come up here and fall on my face. He always told me I was wrong. That brat, he just always has to be right...

photo dump again...

Stained glass at the Hotel Diamond.

They love Z-Rock at Chronic Tacos.

My friend Ben and I at LaSalles downtown. Quickly becoming one of my other haunts... probably because my friend Jeremy works there.

Eatin' Mexican food, reppin' the 805

Apparently the 530 tho, is filthy.

A frog I rescued out of my pool. I know it's hot homie, but there are chemicals in there.

look at this sweet ride

I mean would you look at this bitch? I honestly thought I was going to hate it, but I love the damn thing.

The day it came back from the shop was kind of a crap day for me at work. I was just having a really bad day and then Bryan came in and told me it was back. You have to understand I've been here about two months and this is the first time I've ever seen it. I felt positively giddy! Stupid, right? It's a radio station vehicle...

But damn, this thing is pretty special. Meatwad and I took it for a spin around the area and I just kept saying "This is so f#@king cool" over and over and hanging my head out the window, like a big dork.

It was one of those moments that's made this move worth it. The little cool things that pop up unexpectedly. Be it this beautiful bitch of a car or the many friends I've made in a short time or the fact that the a couple of the guys at Rawbar remember what I like to eat when I go in there or that the bartenders at Johnnie's know me by name, not because I go there a lot but because when I do, I sit and visit with them. Or you know finding out my air staff are a bunch of cool ass people and that my promotions director rocks the free world... It's just little stuff that makes me pause and go "Yeah, it's hard as hell, but I know I did the right thing."

sleepless in chico

True facts- I am a very tired girl.

Going back to working mornings (and yeah I mean I get up at 5:30 every day, I'm not whining about having to be at the office by 9 or anything, I am out my door most days by 6:30) after years of being on a regular 9-5 schedule or especially after my year at Radio Central Coast where I basically had to show up sometime before I went on the air at 2pm? It's a sleep shock.

It also seems that no matter how early I go to bed, I do not get enough sleep. I am either unable to sleep through the night consistantly or can't fall asleep. When I can't fall asleep I just get up. I mean laying in bed when you can't sleep is pointless as all get out anyway, so I get up, which I understand may not be the best thing to do.

Believe me it's not because I'm not exhausted either. Every day I work ALOT and I am usually drained by the time I drag through my front door. But without fail I'll perk up again at 8pm and won't be able to fall asleep until Midnight most nights. It's just how my body clock rolls. And the thing is I have no problem waking up and getting out the door either. It's just about the second hour of my show in the mornings the yawning so hard that tears are coming out of my eyes kicks up and all that make up I put on at 5:30 is on my shirt collar and I might as well have slept in.

I think a lot of it has to do with my bed or the futon as it were. It's hella more comfortable than the floor, do doubt, but it's still not an actual bed. I think this situation is getting rectified soon though so I'm not gonna trip. Hopefully a comfy bed will fix this sleep problem because yawning my way through the first few hours of my show isn't good radio.

I need to recreate whatever magical sleeping magic came down to me on Saturday night. I think I slept in on Sunday until almost 10. NO joke. That's so rare these days, if it were a steak, it'd still be up walking around and mooing.

photo dump

At LaSalles with Jeremy aka V-Rawk on Friday.

Rice Bowl dinner

Rice Bowl has a Marilyn Monroe roll....

Hanging out with the Z-Rock vehicle

Chada Thai

I went to this winery ran by monks....

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