songs that remind me of 2010 part 2

I was sick of Ke$ha "Tik Tok" the minute I started my job. Bitch be annoying... so I thought. Then one morning I was sitting on South Higuera and heard this song.

And I don't know... maybe I heard something that was already going on in my head in it. Maybe I was in a good mood that day. Maybe I was dressed cute. I don't know but this weird, kinda awful song crept into my heart. I will always associate it with a ridiculous inside joke between me and a friend, dancing my ass off, 4 dollar Long Beach Iced Teas the size of a Big Gulp and the feeling that man, I found my home, if even for a little while and found my family, forever.

I like your beard.

By this time next week I could be...

Or we could just stay in Bakersfield all weekend. I don't know. My sister can't come home for Thanksgiving so I might go out there on Friday to see her. Ben hasn't ever been to SLO either. So we'll see.

this one goes out to the girl in the big sunglasses

What can I say about Teresa that I haven't said already?

I met Teresa when she came to work at Clear Channel way back in the day. Obviously I originally didn't trust her because she was cute and funny and short like me and had great clothes. Obviously the world had sent me some kind of nemesis to battle. Obviously I was used to being the only girl and obviously I was used to being the only girl to get attention from this one guy we both know. Case in point she was sent to the radio station to ruin my life.

Except she wasn't. The first time I really remember Teresa being there for me was the day that Clear Channel sold us. Let's be real, we were all drunk at the radio station that day and crying because a lot of our friends got fired and we were scared. I remember sitting in that meeting with Teresa, this girl I only slightly knew and holding her hand while the new owners started going over everything we were going to be going through the rest of that day.

Not long after Teresa arrived she started doing the Punk Ass Bitches Show with us. It was nice to not be the only girl anymore. I'd been ganged up on by the guys long enough and Teresa is a firecracker! Sometime during the summer we went to see Alkaline Trio together, just us, no boys and we had a blast. At one point we were both pretty buzzed at McBar and I'm pretty sure she dropped her beer so she wouldn't have to drink it but that's neither here nor there.

Then I got laid off. Then Teresa got laid off. And we were both broke and miserable together. We'd meet up for drinks and bitching a few times a month because if not, when would we ever see anyone?

In August of 2009 she called me and told me about a job at the radio station she was doing sales at. I had already applied but she wanted me to meet the general manager and took me out to meet him before my interview. I got the job. The next ten months of my life weren't perfect but having Teresa in my life every day was rad. This girl can make me laugh, can keep my secrets and most of all gets me. She is one of the people who held me up and encouraged me to get where I am now and I'm grateful to her.

Most of all I just miss her though. Teresa is one of those friends who buys people little gifties when she thinks it will make them smile. She's always down to go have a drink and bitch about your crappy day and boys. Or boys. Yes we bitched about boys a lot... ha ha. I had some "issues" going on when I worked with her. She's funny and generous and mean as all hell if you cross someone she loves.

Recently my girl started a new job. She's selling cars and I know she's going to be the freakin' bomb at it. She's good at whatever she does, even if that is cutting the hems off your pants in the office or singing some parody of the Shaft theme song in a commercial. Teresa is one of a kind. I miss her every freakin' day and if I don't see her soon, I'm going to throw up.

Or cry. But I'll probably cry if I see her too. I'm a douche like that.

me and love

My job has always been an issue in my relationships. I can't remember one that it wasn't. There is always the threat of my needing to move to another city for an opportunity or the long hours or the fact that I spend 90% of my time surrounded by men only, because there aren't a lot of girls in my business. It's always caused friction in my life as I am sure no one likes feeling like they come second to something else, even if they don't actually come second, it sometimes feels like it I'm sure.

I relate to this Gaga quote because I've done it a million times. Been sitting there looking at that decision. That ultimatum. Me or that. Us or radio. Us or the next adventure. Be with me or go be "famous" (I don't think I'm famous but I've had this load of shit thrown at my face before.) I've always chosen work. I've always chosen me. I'm selfish that way.

I've never regretted it though. And I honestly think it's impossible for me to meet someone who understands 100% how my business works. Because if I meet someone like that, they probably work in the same business and they're just as driven as I am. Just as ambitious. Just as focused. Just as much of a geek. I know there are more of "me" out there, I've worked with them. I've admired them. But I also know that given the choice: a relationship or work, they'd chose work, just like me. Work is always there, there is always something to be done, you can always go drown yourself in it when you're lonely.

To be fair, nothing is wrong now. I'm not terribly lonely or having issues really, just saw this today and it really struck me. Kinda weird to know one of the most famous women in the world has the same world view as me....

home

So right now I'm trying to play my trip back to Bakersfield for Thanksgiving. Hell, I'm TRYING to go home for Thanksgiving. The way things have been going and the sheer distance involved, I am almost not sure I can. I don't get the day before Thanksgiving off. I basically can not drive at night and it's supposedly six hours to Bako from here, although it took me 10 hours last time I did the drive.

Ben may come with me, which would be cool because then he could drive us down the night before Thanksgiving after I get off work. That'd be great, yeah we'd get into town hella late, but it beats me dragging into town at like Noon on Thanksgiving day. We could stay until Saturday and then swing through SLO for a night if any of my friends are going to be in town (I'm looking at you Teresa!) because he's never been to San Luis Obispo and drive home Sunday morning EARLY. It's gonna depend on his school schedule and his work schedule and if of course he actually decides to come.

If I don't go home, this would be the first holiday in my life I didn't spend with my family. I have no idea what I'd do here. Maybe have an orphans Thanksgiving of my own... I guess I could take the train but I don't even know what that would cost, when it would leave, etc.

I have moved to the damn moon.

Been chatting with some of my people back home at the old stations and maaaaan I miss them. I forgot to mention that when I was home last month, Wild sounds as amazing as ever. I stopped in there twice over the weekend and was shocked at how much I missed it. When I was there on Saturday visiting someone I kept feeling like I should get up and do something. I may have even offered to voice track. It's silly but I felt more at home there at the end than ever did running my own station over across the street. Could've been the people I worked with. Could've been that whole thing where you have to bond when there are like three of you. Could've been working with my best friends. I don't know. I know we were "miserable" there a lot but it was a really special time and place for me and I'll never ever regret it.

Anyway I have radio of my own to make. We're in the middle of planning another huge event and I'm exhausted. Go figure.

the rah rah rah heard round the world

"Bad Romance" just turned one. One song... Seriously changed my life. Ask anyone.

state of the Chico address

So since moving to the Planet Chico I've acquired some bitchin' free cable. I seriously have every channel out there. And internet. And a phone. Rad. Oh and I get paid to have it. Not too shabby if you ask me. Then I acquired a gym membership to what I am told is the best gym in town. Stoked, I just need to go in and sign up and turn in my certificates. Then I can start working out again (yay!) and continue to be the incredible shrinking Stephanie. Seriously I look NOTHING like I did a year ago. It's awesome.

Now I've just left a meeting where I'm getting a new bed. This is my first BRAND NEW BED that I didn't buy off of some one or have purchased for me by a parent or whatever. My very first grown up bed! LOL. No really though, I get to go to the store and pick out the bed of my dreams. I am more than excited about it.

And grateful. Seriously I was so scared to move up here and there are still days when I'm laying on the Craigslist futon and wonder if I can get up and do this again another day, or if it's ever going to stop being NEW and confusing and mildly scary, but at least once a week something cool surprises me and I feel... almost at home I guess.

My heart is still in San Luis Obispo, that's for sure. I mean I miss everyone and everything thing there constantly. Like there are still days I'd give anything to go walk into the Black Sheep with Teresa and drink a red drink and bitch about our jobs and boys with Nicole. Or to walk out to Pete's Pierside and eat an incredible fish taco and see my friends Trent and Lora and laugh and drink beers. And don't even get me started on how much I miss my Mr Rick's family or the incredibly bad ass staff over at Wild 106.1 because even as crappy as some stuff was (or silly or flat out inappropriate in the best way, really) my time there was, it's all in my heart and I am better for my time in "radio hell" (Or did I used to call it the 7th Level of Radio Hell. Or Where Radio Goes to Die, I can't remember, but I was WRONG on all counts.)

But I'm definitely finding my feet here. Making friends. Realizing my jocks are total bad asses. Finding places I like to go. Getting my grown up house together. Laying at my pool and reading lots of books and doing whatever the hell I feel like when I want to, because I can.

Like for instance the other day I looked up how far it is to go to Seattle. Did you know that I can drive to Seattle, Washington in 11 hours? It takes 8 hours to get to SLO for reference. I'm thinking about getting a couple of friends and making a road trip up there. I haven't been since I was a little kid and I'd love to see it again. And not be the only Seahawks fan for 1000000s of miles.

Later this week, Megan and Grant will be here. My first overnight guests since I moved to Planet Chico. I'm pretty excited to see them because duh, Megan is my BFF and I adore Grant. But it will be neat to show someone around my new town and introduce them to friends I've made here.

I remember the week or so before I left SLO, sitting in my boss Jojo's office and just bawling constantly thinking I was never going to make any friends and how I was just going to come up here and fall on my face. He always told me I was wrong. That brat, he just always has to be right...

music and i

Music makes me dopey. This is a point of fact, a very important thing to know about knowing me. I meet people and wham a song is usually attached to them immediately. Or several songs in some cases. I mean music is around me all of the time and I will be in the middle of a situation and hear some song and think to myself "This song belongs to you and I and this place and time." You do do it too by the way, you probably just aren't as hyper aware of it as I am.

There were a couple of songs that just killed me when I was living in SLO, especially during that last month or so while going through the interview process and the leaving process. I won't say who or what they remind me of but when they come on, I can remember exactly what I was doing when I first heard them, who I was talking to, what was going on in my life, etc.

There was a lot going on back then. Behind the scenes I mean, stuff I'll never blog about because it's not just my story to tell, you know? And it wasn't anything horrible or dangerous or bad really, just stuff I didn't know how to process.

Anyway, there is this one Train song we used to play and pretty much every time I hear it I want to laugh. Or cry. Or track Train down and rip their faces off for ever writing it and putting it in my life, because it's like they straight up sucked it out of my head and are making millions of dollars off of it in a way.

I heard it again this morning, doing the Music Choice thing on my cable, and man... I had to sit down for a second. I let myself forget sometimes how much I miss certain people. Because you have to, sometimes, you just have to. Today, I guess I was just reminded how much I miss some people. And honestly that's all the detail you're going to get from me on that.

PS Eff Train. Eff Music Choice and Eff my brain. KTHNXBYE

next step

Hey Stephanie, what are you doing in Chico?

-Taking huge leaps with my eyes closed at all times. The surprise is the pay off right?

-Missing my friends back home like crazy. I talk to most of them every single day. People you wouldn't expect even... People I didn't expect. Man I carry you guys in my heart like you don't even know.

-Finding my way around town. This hasn't been too much of a problem in awhile.

-listening to a lot of music, laying in the sun, day dreaming, thinking about radio.

-Did I mention missing people? There are people I miss like a limb. I don't want to call them out here, because that just swells egos, but they know who they are. Or they should. If they don't, they're deaf and blind and just as silly as ever. So they probably don't. So, hey I miss you.

-Meeting people. You have to, you know when you don't know anyone, making friends is the name of the game, and I'm trying to do it.

-Joining a gym. Or I will be in the next couple of weeks. Hollah, it's trade bitches.

-eating sushi. Which I need to knock off.

-Feeling like me again, which wasn't happening much in the last couple of months in SLO. Nothing dramatic, I just really started to question my path in life and if I was doing the right thing for a living (i.e. do you HAVE to love what you do, or can you just do something for money? Me and a few other bad asses I know HAVE to love it.)

-taking pictures. seeing new things. sitting in creeks. going to bikini car washes. seeing new dj's.

-Sleeping on the floor.

So now you're caught up.

Final break on 95.3 the Beach San Luis Obispo by djstephaniebell

Final break on 95.3 the Beach San Luis Obispo by djstephaniebell