A long time ago, a boy played this song for me and said this is how I think of you. Today would have been his birthday....
Happy 32nd Birthday Christopher. We all miss you.
"Totally" - Screeching Weasel
Totally cool that your hair is blue
I totally drool when I think about you
Totally neat totally sweet
Totally knocked me off my feet
Totally rad but it's too bad
You're not aware of all my plans
I totally lust when I see you around
The Belmont bus takes me right by your house
Totally neat totally sweet
Totally knocked me off my feet
Totally lame that you won't say
You'll hang out with me every day
I totally love everything about you
Showing posts with label christopher michael page. Show all posts
Showing posts with label christopher michael page. Show all posts
Sunday, August 15, 2010
Saturday, August 14, 2010
Day 02 – Your first love, in great detail
This is easy.
My first love was Christopher Michael Page. He's dead now. He killed himself two years ago and tomorrow would've been his 32nd birthday.
Pause...
I met Chris when I was 14. Fourteen. I turned fifteen about two weeks after started dating. Chris was one of those magic people that like... change everything. He had so much inside of him, so much art and poetry and creativity and laughter. I can still hear his laugh like... wow.
It was really innocent, the way we loved each other. Innocent and fast. One day we were just boyfriend and girlfriend, we did the whole holding hands and kissing and giggling. One day we were just having four hour phone calls every night and one night I remember him finally telling me he loved me and I didn't even know I had wanted to hear those words from this wonderful boy who made me mix tapes, drove a funky little car and never took anything seriously. But I did and it was awesome.
We were suburban innocent teens. We were cooler than the room at all times. We were a people of our own language. And we were happy. Incredibly happy and in this first rush of love that lasted almost the entire time we were together.
And then we weren't together. Stupid high school stuff. We might have even gotten back together if I had tried. But we slipped easily into the friends mode, a place we stayed for the rest of his life. When shit broke, I ran to him, just like that. And he was always ready to listen. To take me for a slice of pie at Lyons. To meet me for a drink at the Padre. To be my Christmas at the Mint pseudo date... Chris always kept a piece of my heart, he took some of it with him when he left.
The last time I saw him was at the Mint over a Christmas. Maybe even Christmas Eve. I can't remember. I remember being embarrassed a little bit because we were all so ridiculously drunk and he and I ended up kissing in this really silly drunk sloppy way out on the back patio. OH EM GEE, how could I? And in hindsight I'm glad I did. And now in light of things, I'm glad I told him I loved him and held that last hug a little longer than is normal with old friends. I can still remember what he smelled like, the way it sounded when he laughed and how that hug felt.
This boy has gone from the world for two years now... his number is still in my cell phone.
I miss him every single day. But I couldn't have asked for a better first love if I'd gone to some movie script writer and said make me a rom/com.
So there you go.
My first love was Christopher Michael Page. He's dead now. He killed himself two years ago and tomorrow would've been his 32nd birthday.
Pause...
I met Chris when I was 14. Fourteen. I turned fifteen about two weeks after started dating. Chris was one of those magic people that like... change everything. He had so much inside of him, so much art and poetry and creativity and laughter. I can still hear his laugh like... wow.
It was really innocent, the way we loved each other. Innocent and fast. One day we were just boyfriend and girlfriend, we did the whole holding hands and kissing and giggling. One day we were just having four hour phone calls every night and one night I remember him finally telling me he loved me and I didn't even know I had wanted to hear those words from this wonderful boy who made me mix tapes, drove a funky little car and never took anything seriously. But I did and it was awesome.
We were suburban innocent teens. We were cooler than the room at all times. We were a people of our own language. And we were happy. Incredibly happy and in this first rush of love that lasted almost the entire time we were together.
And then we weren't together. Stupid high school stuff. We might have even gotten back together if I had tried. But we slipped easily into the friends mode, a place we stayed for the rest of his life. When shit broke, I ran to him, just like that. And he was always ready to listen. To take me for a slice of pie at Lyons. To meet me for a drink at the Padre. To be my Christmas at the Mint pseudo date... Chris always kept a piece of my heart, he took some of it with him when he left.
The last time I saw him was at the Mint over a Christmas. Maybe even Christmas Eve. I can't remember. I remember being embarrassed a little bit because we were all so ridiculously drunk and he and I ended up kissing in this really silly drunk sloppy way out on the back patio. OH EM GEE, how could I? And in hindsight I'm glad I did. And now in light of things, I'm glad I told him I loved him and held that last hug a little longer than is normal with old friends. I can still remember what he smelled like, the way it sounded when he laughed and how that hug felt.
This boy has gone from the world for two years now... his number is still in my cell phone.
I miss him every single day. But I couldn't have asked for a better first love if I'd gone to some movie script writer and said make me a rom/com.
So there you go.
Monday, August 9, 2010
time
Yesterday I had to get into the boxes in my closet to look for something and lo and behold I found my box of year books and some photos that I thought I had lost and for a second I was super giddy and couldn't wait to go through them all. And so I popped open this box and sat down on my bed and started digging through it. I mean I haven't seen some of this stuff in over two years.
Process that for a minute.
Two years ago the majority of the people in my yearbooks were alive and well and looking through them probably wouldn't have taken my breath away, but it did yesterday.
I miss Chris every day. Probably more this time of year, because it would be his birthday still if he was still around.
Still around... man I was going through that box yesterday and here is all this physical evidence that my friend, my beautiful amazingly talented, funny, creative, caring friend once walked the planet Earth and made it a far sillier, far out, awesome place to live. And it made me sad because he's not here anymore and then it made me angry...
I can't ever say I will ever understand what happened. What I can say is I will never forget this sparkly eyed, wide smiling, sort of bratty boy who taught me so much and to whom I owe so much. I miss you Chris, still.
Process that for a minute.
Two years ago the majority of the people in my yearbooks were alive and well and looking through them probably wouldn't have taken my breath away, but it did yesterday.
I miss Chris every day. Probably more this time of year, because it would be his birthday still if he was still around.
Still around... man I was going through that box yesterday and here is all this physical evidence that my friend, my beautiful amazingly talented, funny, creative, caring friend once walked the planet Earth and made it a far sillier, far out, awesome place to live. And it made me sad because he's not here anymore and then it made me angry...
I can't ever say I will ever understand what happened. What I can say is I will never forget this sparkly eyed, wide smiling, sort of bratty boy who taught me so much and to whom I owe so much. I miss you Chris, still.
Thursday, July 8, 2010
music
Music is completely weird sometimes. Like it can throw you for a loop every so often and today, no exception.
Yesterday when I was deciding what we'd play here today, I didn't think about what I was sticking in one of our retro feature spots and dumped a song in and moved on. Today doing my show though, I realized what song it was and when it came out and how much it reminds me of my friend Chris who passed away two years ago.
Passed away... man I hate that term. I hate all the terms that describe what happened to him though, because they all mean he isn't here right now and that I miss him in an entirely different way than I did when he just lived in another state. Such is the way of the world.
I signed the paper work to come work up here on the two year anniversary of the day we lost him. How's that for freakin' weird?
Anyway, enjoy this little slice of my teenage life, and a little peek into what this one boy I love who just isn't with us anymore and I used to listen to....
Yesterday when I was deciding what we'd play here today, I didn't think about what I was sticking in one of our retro feature spots and dumped a song in and moved on. Today doing my show though, I realized what song it was and when it came out and how much it reminds me of my friend Chris who passed away two years ago.
Passed away... man I hate that term. I hate all the terms that describe what happened to him though, because they all mean he isn't here right now and that I miss him in an entirely different way than I did when he just lived in another state. Such is the way of the world.
I signed the paper work to come work up here on the two year anniversary of the day we lost him. How's that for freakin' weird?
Anyway, enjoy this little slice of my teenage life, and a little peek into what this one boy I love who just isn't with us anymore and I used to listen to....
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