7:30 on New Years Eve

I'm sippy a cocktail and getting ready to get into a fly girl party dress and head off to a party at the boyfriend's friend's house.

Wow this isn't where I thought I'd be 365 days ago when I was sitting at Sushiya with Kristin and Kenny and Amber. I wasn't sure what 2010 was going to bring.

It brought a lot of changes. A new job. New love. New house. New city. New friends.

Man who knew?

I didn't.

Last year I wrote a blog on New Years Eve called "Just say F@#k it" because life had just been too hard for too long and I decided to take up the motto "F#@k it." It sort of served me pretty well this year. I did things I never thought I would. Had great experiences. Moved forward (but not completely on, y'all back home are still in my heart big time, always.) and just hoped for things to get better.

I guess they finally did.

Happy New Year.

Angel On My Shoulder

Late in 2009 I got into this show Ghetto House Radio that we played on Wild when I was working there. Every week I'd grab a couple of the mixes and listen to them while I ran the trails in Avila before work in the mornings or while I was driving to and from San Luis. Ghetto House Radio is pretty much in constant rotation still in my life, as a lot of my friends drop mixes for them every week and one of my other friends does the imaging for the show.

This song was on a mix earlier this year. Probably at the height of my "what the hell is going on," period. And it does pretty much sum up how I felt almost all the time back then. Also the album "Strobelight Seduction," is one of my favorite whole albums of 2010.

that boy was a monster

Everyone knows that the very epic "The Fame Monster" came out in 2009. The story of how I got a copy of the record is one of my favorites from my old job... just having my boss walk in and start rummaging through my purse after we bickered on Facebook about the record. And there it was, in my purse all of a sudden. Viola, surprise here's the CD you've been nagging me for, for like ever.

The whole album is a banger. It's amazing. This song though, popped out at me when we started playing it as a single early in the year.



I've definitely danced to this one a few times in 2010.

the songs of 2010

I heard this song for the first time driving to work to pick up my time card some time back in March.

Sometime back in March... ha ha I know exactly when I heard it. The words slapped me in the face and I remember getting the phone out to Shazaam it and looking it up when I got to the office. There wasn't any one else there, it was a Saturday after all and I listened to it again while I filled out my unemployment stuff. Maybe twice more.

I remember just sitting there wondering how it was that someone had snuck into my head and stole all the thoughts I'd been having that week out of my head and put them to music. I remember really being sick of that happening at the time. (I later found out that Pink co-wrote this song and it made even more sense, homegirl reads my mind. I sleep in a tin foil hat to prevent it.)

It was kind of a chilly day and I left the station and went to the post office and then because like a lot of the time in the Spring of that year I didn't want to go home, because home made me sad and frustrated, I walked around downtown SLO and ended up in the Black Sheep probably talking to Rachel and maybe Nicole after that. You never know how long you can nurse a cocktail or a glass of iced tea until you absolutely do not want to go home.

Back to the song, this song is beautiful and I think we've all felt this way some time or another. And sue me I like Adam Lambert, a lot more than I thought I would when the American Idol buzz was going on (I still have yet to watch an entire episode of that show. Or well any of it. I know how it works exclusively from the internet.) Anyway this is yet another song that was part of the sound track of 2010.

we'll be young forever

A year ago I was in a really really weird place.

Deeply unhappy at home but no idea how to express that I was feeling that way. It seemed impossible after all, how could I be unhappy? I'd just gone back to work, had started getting my body back, had a cute house, great friends, I wasn't single and I thought I was in love.

That sounds shitty when I say it that way. I was in love with him. That's true.

When I wasn't working, I didn't long for much but work. That year "off" was really hard on me both emotionally and physically. I guess I just stopped wanting anything but to go back to work and every failed job interview or resume I sent out without getting an answer was devastating. I was pretty sure I was never going to work again actually. I'd just about given up. The week I went in to interview to work at Wild, I had also applied at Starbucks, a jewelry store, a personal assistant, a receptionist... I'd even taken a job I thought was going to be rad at a "publicists" agency, which turned out to be nothing more than a bunch of spoiled rich kids playing "office." (Yeah I said it, wanna fight?) I left after two days.

Under all of this stress, this depression, this rudderlessness, I didn't notice that back at the ranch things were going sour in my love life. Because I didn't have the energy to worry. It was there. He hadn't left in the middle of the night and taken the cat. I was so focused on getting a job again and getting "me" back, that it was almost all I had energy for. Beyond the crying jags and the three or four trips I took to do things I never had time for while working just to do SOMETHING.

So I got the job at Wild. And the fog lifted and I started... I don't know mingling with my kind again. I didn't know how STARVED I was to talk about radio, to talk about music, to just talk about bitchy office bull-ish until there was one day I was at work and I made my boss laugh or something. We had started telling radio stories. In a weird way me and the boys in the back became the Three Amigos or something, because there we were in our little pirate ship doing what we love at any means neccesary. I don't know who did what first but by the time I went home for Thanksgiving, I knew I had a solid foundation back home. Friends. Brothers. People that opened my eyes to two things: I am not that bad and I am alive.

By Christmas, I knew... things weren't ever going to be the way they were again at home, no matter how hard I tried. Because I was someone else again. I was me, and not this defeated little thing. I'll tell you right now I walked into my last job not knowing shit. I knew how to talk on the radio and how to boss my boss around (ha ha, kinda) but not really how to do my actual job. I learned on the fly, on fire, with a team of cheerleaders and from one of the coolest mofo's I've ever known. It was very SoCal touchy feely but they let me in, they held me up and taught me everything they knew. Changed my life really. By Christmas I knew that my heart had changed it's mind and I had to do something with myself.

I didn't know last Thanksgiving, that a year later I'd be here, in Chico, hundreds of miles from everyone who made this possible, doing something I had always said I could do (and did do for awhile) and doing it better than a lot of people will ever let on. I have the professional gig I always wanted more or less. I made friends with lightening fast speed, I am seriously shocked myself, I'm a goober, I don't even want to hang out with me. I tried so many new things and met so many great people and formed my own little radio family up here as well.

And then there's the happiest accident of all, Ben. Last year I wouldn't see myself here, getting ready to go out to tacos with my boyfriend on a random Thursday night because we've been so good living off of boxed meals and staying home (or homes I guess, we don't live together) for over a week! There's a lot to be said for this boy, but the most important part of it is, he sees me for exactly who I am. He knows when I'm broke or simply too overwhelmed to function and he just fixes it. Brings me groceries because he knows I'll just not eat before trying to figure out how to go to the grocery store on 10 bucks, helps me with the dishes, brought me a vaccuum cleaner when I couldn't get mine back from the coast... I don't ask, he just does. I never thought of myself as the girlfriend of a grad student, a teacher, a hydrologist, a scientist, a beer snob who loves to eat Ethnic meals, a lover of music and movies who gives the best hugs in Chico? Forget it, I never would've imagined it.

Doesn't mean it's not awesome. Doesn't mean I'm not happy.

A year ago I was lost and a group of people took me in and gave me the tools to find my own way home. I may still be traveling, in fact I know I am, but I'm closer than I was before.

Don't stop believing

Last night the San Francisco Giants became the World Series champions. The Giants are my 2nd team. I'm a Red Sox fan through and through but there is just something about those Giants that I love. Could be Brian Wilson....

Actually Brian Wilson kind of looks like my boyfriend... Anyway Ben isn't a big baseball guy but he went out with me last night because he knew it was important to me. This is one of those reasons he rocks. He also didn't blink an eye when I called Todd to congratulate him. Yes I did. I know, it's not needed but I'm happy for him.

Did I mention Ben gave me a Giants shirt? Because he likes seeing me smile.

This is after they won at Duffy's.

As a trade I'm going to try to watch hockey with Ben this season. He used to play hockey as a kid. He's a Sharks fan, and I don't know that I can go there when I've had the Bruins beat into my skull by my friends (and the Kings, Hi Michael) but I'll try, since he puts up with me and my baseball and football. We're trying to go to a Sharks game this year together.

Anyway I'm off track. Yay Giants. Yay baseball for making it possible for me to have a civilized conversation with someone...

And Brian Wilson needs to call me.

Things about me you may not know

I'm a pretty sensitive kid. You wouldn't know it because I'm always joking and I laugh a lot. I like making other people laugh. I like to make other people feel like the best person they can be. I live for that kind of a thing. Hell if you think about it, it's kind of what I do for a living. I think the world would be a better place if everyone went around thinking how they could make other people feel good about themselves.

But for all the smiling and joking, I'm really a sensitive kid. I cry pretty easily when I'm alone. How emo, I know, feelings are lame. But it's true. I cry at talking animal movies, any movie where someone dies, I cry at books, I cry at sad songs. I am just this massive ball of emotional retardedness.

Someone asked me recently why I always say "It's fine, don't worry about it." I think it's because I'm telling myself that. Because being so far away from my support system, falling apart every time something hurts my feelings, it's not an option. Because if someone yells at me at work or I misread someone's intentions in my life, I can't just run over to Teresa's house or go to the Black Sheep and tell Nicole about it over some veggie chilli. Hell I can't even go to the radio station and unload on Jojo (which I'm sure he's relieved about, ha ha) or make Tristan go to McCarthy's with me so he can tell me to sack up, rub some dirt on it and walk it off.

On the same level I can't just get in the car and drive two hours and be at my parents house either. Or Jackie's house. Or well... anyone. I'm six hours away at least from everyone who knows me best. So being sad, having a fit, needing something, these aren't options. It has to be okay. I can not worry about it.

Like on Thursday we had this huge event. And some stuff went wrong. And I couldn't freak out. I had no option but to say it was fine, walk it off and put a big smiley face on for the television camera and for my people. So yeah I guess I say "It's fine, don't worry about it," a lot. It's sort of like my mantra any more.

And it is.. it's fine. Moving up here was the scariest thing I have ever done. I don't think anyone understands how good, at least emotionally I had it at my last job. I was safe. I was with friends, hell those people are my family. It was fun and I had very little to account for. (Although Jo would probably tell you I kept trying to get more to do and probably over worked myself for what I was making, but hey you do that for the things/people you love) But with the love and support of my family and friends I made this jump to the moon and I'm here now trying to make my way. Trying. Most of the time it's going well.

so that was weird

I met a girl last night at the Flyleaf show who is a fan of mine. Like an honest to goodness ran down the street and jumped up to hug me fan. I haven't experienced much of that.

Lacey from Flyleaf is actually smaller than me. She's very sweet and very pretty in person. I could put her in my pocket and taken her home. But Lily might have eaten her. That tiny.

Pretty weird to hug someone who's been nominated for a Grammy. Pretty weird to go on stage and not think a thing of it, but that's what Jeremy and I did last night.

Hung out with Adelle afterwards, while she ate her dinner after getting off work at Duffy's. Came home, watched some tv (I'm trying to see what the big deal is about the Vampire Diaries so I borrowed it. So far I'm not impressed but I was pretty exhausted last night.)

Got my Halloween costume yesterday. ITS PERFECT.

Had some sad news from back home. A former co-worker of mine and a fantastic lady has had Cancer for awhile now and yesterday they told her she has a week left. They told her she had six months to live about four years ago though, so obviously her doctors are wrong. Obviously.

Ben has had a cold since Sunday. He let me fuss over him and take care of him Sunday night because we were already together when he started feeling crappy but he's been holed up at home since. I miss him. My friend Cesareo is in town tonight playing a show and I'd like to take Ben if he's up to it.

Blah blah blah.

temper trap

I do not have a bad temper usually. I'm pretty even when it comes to most things, aside from work and people screwing with people I love. For the most part whenever someone metaphorically shits on me, I just let it slide.

Yesterday I did not and I yelled and said some mean shit and hung up on someone. Not classy. Not my style. But I did it and I can't take it back. I may not even want to.

I realize that I hurt people sometimes. And I realize I do a lot of things wrong. But I do not wake up every day thinking how I'm going to screw someone over or hurt them. Sometimes I even panic when I don't know how to deal with a situation and try to do the least hurtful thing. And that usually ends up being wrong too.

I'm being vague because running off and blabbing to the internet about the little incident yesterday not really the thing to do... but I needed to get this off my chest.

People don't realize it, but when a relationship ends, both people are hurt. Continuing to remind a person who ended it doesn't change the fact that even the "dumper" as it were is in pain when they do it. I never take the decision to terminate any kind of relationship, friends or romantic, lightly. And in ending my last relationship, I agonized over that decision for months. Yes months. It wasn't all just the move. Or all just a friendship I had that got out of control. Or all money. There were a lot of reasons. The main one being I felt like I had already been given up on and had stopped mattering. And that's why.

This isn't to say I'm some kind of a saint. I am not. I did a lot of things wrong. Turns out I did some stuff wrong that I didn't even know I did! But I can't change it now and I guess the best thing to do now is let it go. Throw that pain out with the bathwater and hope that by cutting me completely out of their life, the person I hurt can find happiness. Because I want that for them.

It's all I ever wanted for them.

Brian Wilson

In all your epic doucheyness you need to call me.

While I'm up, I need this shirt





Just so you know, he's from Mass... as in the Boston area of... So I'm not a total sell out. He's just a really hot douchebag. So I should probably date him. Stat.

This ends my being a girly moron portion of the day

the mystery of the boy

Danhella asked about Ben.

I've said his name a few times here and haven't really talked about him much, which is silly since I see him more than anyone else in Chico. I guess I was trying to be respectful of the feelings of my last boyfriend, because I do care how he feels, but he's known about Ben for a minute and from what I have heard out of his own mouth, is seeing someone else already as well, so... yeah let's talk about Ben.

This is Ben and I at Johnnie's. This was probably taken like a week ago. This is my favorite old man bar to drink at and I've turned Ben on to it. As of today I've known Ben for three months. We haven't been dating this entire time mind you, but I met him the weekend of my birthday. At first I was just stoked to have a friend, who was a local and who knew where I could get some tasty Thai food or when the best time to go to Duffy's was. Or you know a friend with horrible taste in Netflix movies, because he has horrible taste in Netflix movies, but excellent taste in tacos.

Ben has always been kinda protective of me and has taken care of me since I moved up here, weather it be feeding me when I've been broke or running me some cash at the golf tournament in Paradise or fixing my computer. He's always made me laugh and he has this great smile and silly sense of humor that I get. Plus he loves cats. A major requirement for the mom of a Lily Monster. And Lily likes Ben.

This is from when we went wine tasting. He'd never been before so I took him. We had a great time. We always have fun together. Even doing nothing, like when he comes over and brings his papers to grade and I catch up on Weeds and True Blood. Like that stuff is fun with us. Or when I cook these big elaborate meals because he likes my cooking. And he likes going to shows with me and hanging out with my two or three friends I do have here. I took him to Del Taco for his very first time last week on the way to and from Muse... Can you believe that, he's lived 45 minutes from Del Taco his whole life and had never been! Insane!

When I was in San Luis Obispo a couple of weeks back, I missed him. He watched my cat while I was gone. And he did my dishes and mopped my floor. He doesn't even live here, he just wanted to do something nice for me. He talked to me on the phone while I made my 10 hour trek back and was here waiting when I got home at 2 am. When my dad had to put Choco to sleep two weeks ago, Ben bought me flowers and went out with me and drove me home. And that was the night we decided that yeah, we're going to do this. We're together right now.

Ben hates football and won't play a long and wear a Seahawks hat on Sundays, but he goes with me every week if I want to. Even though it's not his thing, because he knows I like it. And there is generally booze at Sunday Funday. I'll convert him yet. He looks really cute in my Seahawks hat, but I promised I wouldn't post the picture. (It's really cute though.)

Ben's a little younger than me, no big deal. He's a grad student and scary smart. Total nerd. He's also teaching and installing something to do with dirt at some place in Oroville. He won't tell you this, but he's a great photographer and actually knows about music I've never heard before. He's also a fanatic about brushing his teeth and bought me some seriously awesome toothpaste once because I'd never tried it. (Toms of Maine, get some, its great.) He's also really cool about certain attachments I have to certain friends and either understands it or has given up trying to change my mind. Either way, he's rad about it.

The other thing I like about Ben.. he's no bullshit. He doesn't have a bullshit bone in his body. He's straight forward, even if I'm not going to like the answer. He gives great hugs, super comforting and he thinks I'm gorgeous and classy. So he can stay for now. Ha ha.

And that's the truth about Ben. Mystery solved

Day 30 - Your favorite song at this time last year

Last day of the meme!

I wrote about this song another time, but yeah this was my first "favorite" at Wild. I used to drive home after work listening to it with my windows rolled down, feeling all pimp and stuff...

But there are more!

It's weird to think this was just a year ago.

To be honest, working over there in the Sea Shanty was one of the best/worst times of my life. I miss it, on the real.

Anyway... meme over, now what do I write about?

Day 28 - A song that makes you feel guilty

I have two actually... So there.



Lady Gaga - Monster



The Veronicas- Untouched


No explanation today kids... if you think you know why, maybe you're right, maybe you're not.

Guilt is weird... You can feel guilty for doing something. You can feel guilty for NOT doing something. Maybe I feel guilty for a combination of both...

Either way both of these songs are bomb. Enjoy.

Day 23 - A song that you want to play at your wedding

This is a dumb question little meme, because I'm never going to get married. And that's not a woe as me statement, I just don't see it in the cards/stars for me. Let's be real, I've been asked twice. And almost a year later exactly, I was out the door. I'm just not the marrying type I guess. Too stubborn.

That being said, when I was younger and thought that it may happen and maybe I did have a big moon eyed crush on some guy I thought was just *perfect* (he is mind you, just not for me) I'm sure the idea crossed my mind. Sometime before I was even 21. And in this silly immature happily ever after senario, this was the song:

Back here in reality, when my ex and I were really talking about getting married (and yeah, we had all the fun parts planned out) this was going to be our first dance, because think about where we lived and who our friends were:

But hey, that never happened either.

Only a few days left of this meme, then I might actually have to make blog posts again!

thoughts on my trip to SLO

Man first of all I was glad to be home. It was great to know where everything was and see my friends and feel like I belonged. Don't get me wrong, I'm getting that way here, but to be able to walk into my Black Sheep and have something amazing dropped in front of me or an understanding face when I came back from visiting with someone else down there? Magic. Or seeing the amazing Jenn Wynn who doesn't facebook at Mr Ricks. Or putting my feet in the ocean...

Or my wonderful family there. The always amazing Tristan Negranti. My sister Teresa Lara. My hearts, Kristin, Micheala, and Jon! So cool of everyone to come out to see me. And of course the lovely Nicole who I missed like crazy. And yeah then there was my brother from another mother, the guy who kicked my ass up to the moon, Jojo Lopez, who probably didn't miss me one damn bit, but annoying the hell out of him was the best part of my day for about a year. No seriously, seeing everyone was crazy amazing and rad and I thank all of you for taking the time to put in facetime with me.

Leaving was hard. Not bawling my eyes out hard like when I moved, but definitely unpleasant. But I was grateful after many hours in the car to come home and find my amazing cat Lily had been well cared for by this boy person I know named Ben, who I have never mentioned by name here before. But there it is. I know a boy named Ben and he watched my cat and my apartment while I was gone. And he's pretty rad. So there's that.

Tonight I'm going downtown to see some live musics and probably eat tacos. Tacos morning noon and night people. It's how we roll in Chico.

I don't know when the next time I drop down from the moon will be. Hopefully before the end of the year. I miss you all dearly. I miss you more than I'll ever say out loud or on this blog. Yes, especially you...

Day 16 - A song that you used to love but now hate

The Starting Line - "Bedroom Talk"

I discovered this song on a road trip with an ex of mine I'll call Q. I'm gonna be straight up here, Q was a jerk. He was mean and manipulative and he'll never admit it or apologize. But I was in love with him in this really weird oblivious way because I thought he was THE ONE or something equally idiotic. This was our first road trip, we'd gone to Santa Barbara so he could cover some film conference for work and I walked around at the downtown area and went to a few record stores.

I bought a couple of "punk" compilations for the punk show I used to host and this song was on one of them. It came on as we were leaving Santa Barbara on our way to some wineries and he asked me if I'd spend the night at his house again that night (two nights in a row?!) and everything felt perfect.

Later when he dumped me in this really cruel manner and then fell off the face of the Earth, I decided that song sucked and I never wanted to hear it again.

Day 15 - A song that describes you

Adam Lambert - "Whataya Want From Me?"

This was so my song there for a hot minute. Still is on some level, but I'm definitely in a better place in my head about something.

Vague it up a bit Bell. Jeeze. Anyway this is a great song. I'm posting it as a song that described not currently describes me, because honestly I can't think of anything that describes this place in my life...

Whataya Want From Me Lyrics

Hey, slow it down
What do you want from me
What do you want from me
Yeah, I’m afraid
What do you want from me
What do you from me

There might have been a time
I would give myself away
(Ooh) Once upon a time
I didn’t give a damn
But now here we are
So what do you want from me
What do you want from me

Just don’t give up
I’m workin’ it out
Please don’t give in
I won’t let you down
It messed me up, need a second to breathe
Just keep coming around
Hey, what do you want from me
What do you want from me

Yeah, it’s plain to see
that baby you’re beautiful
And there's nothing wrong with you
It’s me – I’m a freak
but thanks for lovin’ me
Cause you’re doing it perfectly

There might have been a time
When I would let you step away

I wouldn’t even try but I think
you could save my life

Just don’t give up
I’m workin’ it out
Please don’t give in
I won’t let you down
It messed me up, need a second to breathe
Just keep coming around
Hey, what do you want from me
What do you want from me

Just don’t give up on me
I won’t let you down
No, I won’t let you down

So
Just don’t give up
I’m workin’ it out
Please don’t give in
I won’t let you down
It messed me up, need a second to breathe
Just keep coming around
Hey, what do you want from me

Just don’t give up
I’m workin’ it out
Please don’t give in
I won’t let you down
It messed me up, need a second to breathe
Just keep coming around
Hey, whataya want from me
(whataya want from me)
Whataya want from me
whataya want from me

the unstuck

You ever think you completely have someone figured out or at least are starting to? And then something happens that is probably not even what you think it is and wham, you feel like an idiot and want very much to take back a lot of stuff you've said and just disappear off the face of the Earth?

.... yeah me either.

I'm going to work.

the music meme

I know, I know, I'm crazy to try to keep both of these meme's going at the same time, but at least it makes me blog a few times a week, which is good for me.

Day 01 - Your Favorite Song



B-Movie - "Nowhere Girl"



I first heard this song back when I was a senior in high school. This guy I knew was also a DJ and did some club stuff as well. We used to talk on the phone quite a bit and he was always telling me music I should listen to and this was a song he said reminded him of me. The first time I heard it, I was hooked. Great stuff. There's a cover of it by Jesus on Ecstasy that's pretty bad ass too.

"Nowhere Girl" - B Movie

Nowhere girl, you're living in a dream,
Nowhere girl, you stay behind the scenes,
Nowhere girl, you never go outside,
Nowhere girl, cause you prefer to hide.

Every day, every night
In that all old familiar light
You hung up when I call you at home.
And I try to get angry
And I try to talk to you
But there's something stopping me from getting through.

Nowhere girl, what you had you need,
Nowhere girl, all functional and neat,
Nowhere girl, in self-imposed exile,
Nowhere girl, a martyr-like denial.

Every day, every night
In that all old familiar light
You hung up when I call you at home.
And I try to get angry
And I try to talk to you
But there's something stopping me from getting through.

Every day, every night
In that all old familiar light
You hung up when I call you at home.
And I try to get angry
And I try to talk to you
But there's something stopping me from getting through.

state of the Chico address

So since moving to the Planet Chico I've acquired some bitchin' free cable. I seriously have every channel out there. And internet. And a phone. Rad. Oh and I get paid to have it. Not too shabby if you ask me. Then I acquired a gym membership to what I am told is the best gym in town. Stoked, I just need to go in and sign up and turn in my certificates. Then I can start working out again (yay!) and continue to be the incredible shrinking Stephanie. Seriously I look NOTHING like I did a year ago. It's awesome.

Now I've just left a meeting where I'm getting a new bed. This is my first BRAND NEW BED that I didn't buy off of some one or have purchased for me by a parent or whatever. My very first grown up bed! LOL. No really though, I get to go to the store and pick out the bed of my dreams. I am more than excited about it.

And grateful. Seriously I was so scared to move up here and there are still days when I'm laying on the Craigslist futon and wonder if I can get up and do this again another day, or if it's ever going to stop being NEW and confusing and mildly scary, but at least once a week something cool surprises me and I feel... almost at home I guess.

My heart is still in San Luis Obispo, that's for sure. I mean I miss everyone and everything thing there constantly. Like there are still days I'd give anything to go walk into the Black Sheep with Teresa and drink a red drink and bitch about our jobs and boys with Nicole. Or to walk out to Pete's Pierside and eat an incredible fish taco and see my friends Trent and Lora and laugh and drink beers. And don't even get me started on how much I miss my Mr Rick's family or the incredibly bad ass staff over at Wild 106.1 because even as crappy as some stuff was (or silly or flat out inappropriate in the best way, really) my time there was, it's all in my heart and I am better for my time in "radio hell" (Or did I used to call it the 7th Level of Radio Hell. Or Where Radio Goes to Die, I can't remember, but I was WRONG on all counts.)

But I'm definitely finding my feet here. Making friends. Realizing my jocks are total bad asses. Finding places I like to go. Getting my grown up house together. Laying at my pool and reading lots of books and doing whatever the hell I feel like when I want to, because I can.

Like for instance the other day I looked up how far it is to go to Seattle. Did you know that I can drive to Seattle, Washington in 11 hours? It takes 8 hours to get to SLO for reference. I'm thinking about getting a couple of friends and making a road trip up there. I haven't been since I was a little kid and I'd love to see it again. And not be the only Seahawks fan for 1000000s of miles.

Later this week, Megan and Grant will be here. My first overnight guests since I moved to Planet Chico. I'm pretty excited to see them because duh, Megan is my BFF and I adore Grant. But it will be neat to show someone around my new town and introduce them to friends I've made here.

I remember the week or so before I left SLO, sitting in my boss Jojo's office and just bawling constantly thinking I was never going to make any friends and how I was just going to come up here and fall on my face. He always told me I was wrong. That brat, he just always has to be right...