that's just how the story unfolds

There is no way I can hear this song and not think of 2010.

This song came out around the time I was interviewing for my job up here. I probably heard it on the radio about 9098908 times on the drive up. It will never not remind me of that very uncertain time in my life when I wasn't sure what Chico was going to hold and if walking away from the friendships and the decent (but far from perfect) life I had back home.

train vs car travel

Going home to Bakersfield in 16-17 days and I need to decide, train or car.

Both take about the same amount of time and cost about the same. My dad has graciously offered to help me pay for it.

Cons to train:

Train leaves Chico at 3am.

I have no transportation in Bakersfield for the couple of days I'm there, meaning I either have to rely on other people to drive me around or borrow a car.

I have no way to lug any gifts back or down. Back is no problem, I don't want anything this year but down would bum me out.

Also it's cheaper to leave at 3am Christmas Eve and arrive Christmas Eve day at 130pm than the Thursday previous.

Train is slightly more than car in gas (although gas prices could go up before X-Mas eve) but...

I have to get someone to pick me up and drop me off at both ends of the trip.

I have to be more selective in what I pack and when I go and come back.

Definitely no chance to me zipping over to SLO for a day, but then again who is going to be home anyway?

Pros to train:

Train arrives in Bakersfield at 1:15pm

I only have to ride the bus for one hour if I get a certain route. Everything else is glorious train with snack cars and bathrooms and electrical outlets.

I can sleep on the train (no I know I won't, but the idea is there)

I have anxiety when I drive alone on long country roads. I only developed it living in SLO and taking the two shitty roads out of SLO to Bakersfield. I will be going alone this trip I'm pretty sure and the drive back always takes 12 hours. ALWAYS.

Ben can watch the cat, my house, and my car while I'm gone. Other than the 3am drop off/pick up times, I'm sure he'd have no problem with it.

So internet, what do you think I should do?

2010 music continued

I admit it, I love Hardnox. Even more so because they were responsible for my first visit to my old station's club night. They played at one of our Wednesday nights and I finally got over being too shy to go and went. I had a blast and it was really neat to be around my friends from work in a more social setting. This song is still on my list of stuff I listen to when I'm getting ready to hit the town.

The Hardnox boys are down to Earth and cool as hell. It was really neat to see them on the Giants victory parade and getting all that love during the play offs and World Series. (The Giants picked up their song "Fist Pump" for something in the park.)

more music from 2010

I think we were all embarrassed when we fell in love with this song. I know I was embarrassed that this stupid song put into words something I was going through earlier this year. This dorky assed song could say words I didn't know how to make? Failure, thy name is Stephanie.

A million times in our life we think we meet someone who completes us or makes us whatever. I met someone who is me. And I'm one of their biggest fans. And I know that they are one of mine.

I will be nine hundred and eleven years old and still be grateful for knowing someone like that. Being just what I needed even though I probably drove them crazy. (It's okay they drove me nuts too. You try hanging out with yourself all the time, it's absurdly endearing and annoying at the same time.) This song is always, no matter what going to remind me of that and of this weird year when everything I knew changed so completely drastically and hopefully for the better.

"Hey, Soul Sister" - Train

Heeey heeeey heeeeey

Your lipstick stains on the front lobe of my left side brains
I knew I wouldn't forget you
And so I went and let you blow my mind
Your sweet moonbeam
The smell of you in every single dream I dream
I knew when we collided you're the one I have decided
Who's one of my kind

Hey soul sister, ain't that mister mister on the radio, stereo
The way you move ain't fair you know
Hey soul sister, I don't wanna miss a single thing you do tonight

Heeey heeeey heeeey

Just in time, I'm so glad you have a one track mind like me
You gave my life direction
A game show love connection, we can't deny
I'm so obsessed
My heart is bound to beat right out my untrimmed chest
I believe in you, like a virgin, you're Madonna
And I'm always gonna wanna blow your mind

Hey soul sister, ain't that mister mister on the radio, stereo
The way you move ain't fair you know
Hey soul sister, I don't wanna miss a single thing you do tonight

The way you can cut a rug
Watching you is the only drug I need
So gangster, I'm so thug
You're the only one I'm dreaming of
You see I can be myself now finally
In fact there's nothing I can't be
I want the world to see you'll be with me

Hey soul sister, ain't that mister mister on the radio, stereo
The way you move ain't fair you know
Hey soul sister, I don't wanna miss a single thing you do tonight
Hey soul sister, I don't wanna miss a single thing you do tonight
Heeey heeeey heeeeey (tonight)
Heeey heeeey heeeeey (tonight)

p.s. this post was brought to you by my unhealthy relationship with "Glee."

p.p.s eff Train. Seriously. Get out of my head!

songs that remind me of 2010 part 2

I was sick of Ke$ha "Tik Tok" the minute I started my job. Bitch be annoying... so I thought. Then one morning I was sitting on South Higuera and heard this song.

And I don't know... maybe I heard something that was already going on in my head in it. Maybe I was in a good mood that day. Maybe I was dressed cute. I don't know but this weird, kinda awful song crept into my heart. I will always associate it with a ridiculous inside joke between me and a friend, dancing my ass off, 4 dollar Long Beach Iced Teas the size of a Big Gulp and the feeling that man, I found my home, if even for a little while and found my family, forever.

I like your beard.

Heather.

Heather may have never remembered me, but I will always remember her. She was around during the best part of my Bakersfield life, the Misbliss days... Heather was the goddess that was my friend's wife.

Heather was a gorgeous, talented, brave, warrior woman. She was an Amazon. She may have even loved us little goth rock rug rats. What I do know is she was always extremely kind to me and a hell of lot of fun to be around.

I feel horrible because I heard what happened while I was home for Thanksgiving but it didn't click who had passed away, because of the way I got the information and because I never knew Heather by her birth last name, but as my friend's wife. My friend's last name.

Heather was never intimidating to me because she was so (excuse me) fucking inspiring to me. I loved her in this very little girl crush way. Because she was so brave and so sure of who she was. She wasn't at least in my eyes scared of anything or anyone. She was my own personal Siouxsie Sioux. I'll never forget her and a lot of my friends won't either.

Tell the people you love that you love them every day. Tell them constantly. Tell them until you're mute and they're deaf. Never let anyone you love slip away. Never let anyone you remotely care about feel alone. Never be afraid to tell people you idolize that you love them, that you care. Never. It's messy and embarrassing but it's real. Be real. Be strong. Be an Amazon.

This. When I think of Heather, this is what I think of:

It's the end of the year

It's the end of the year almost, which is when the "end of the year top whatevers" lists come out.

I'm not going to do that here. What I am going to do is recount some of the songs that define 2010 for me. I may not post every day, but this was quite a year for me and I have a lot of memories centered around music.

Back in January of this year I was quite aware that my life was completely different than it had been in years previous. My taste in music changed in part because of where I worked, where I hung out, who I hung out with and in part because rock music was kind of dead to me at that time last year. Nothing spoke to me.

I was also kind of sad and for some reason hearing this bad ass bad girl anthem from a girl who had gone through a really rough time in the public eye, I don't know it was inspiring and fun and for awhile this song was my theme song. I know I must have spun it on the air a million times, but I listened to it in my car, or on my iPod when I was running. It was the beat, it was the lyrics, it was the toughness, it was Rihanna who I love... Anyway I will always think of the early part of 2010 when I hear this song, driving home from the radio station in the dark, wondering if anything was ever going to change.