Sunday, October 31, 2010

Happy Halloween from Hello Kitty

It's dumb but I freakin' love Slayer. Sue me. (And yes, I saw them live once with Static-X and Pantera.)

I also love cover songs. It was a big part of the Punk Ass Bitches Halloween Show.. Covers are like a band is wearing a costume, so let's play...

Unwritten Law - "Goodie Two Shoes" further evidence that my future ex husband Scott Russo wants me. Duh I love Adam Ant. And this cover is pretty fun. I love these boys though, so I might be biased. But whatever, this is Unwritten Law dressed up as Adam Ant.

If Rise Against can take Journey, I can too. By the way Journey isn't the go-to in Nor Cal. That might be a SLO thing.

Okay so those are two of my favorites...

So last night I went to see a Ramones cover band called Pinhead that my friend Dain is in. Dain was the first person I met outside of work when I moved to Chico. Dain is rad.

His cover band actually pulled this one out last night!


Goddamnit I know there are more. But Hello Kitty is tired.

Saturday, October 30, 2010

More spooky gems for you

Let's play Stephanie Listened to Goth Rock like a lame theatre part 2

Siouxsie and The Banshees - "Halloween"

My god I love Siouxsie. If I look as good as this woman when I'm her age... well jeeze.

This picture is from her last album 2 years ago.

Ministry - "Every Day is Halloween"

Ministry has a special place in my heart. The fact that Al Jorgenson HATES this album makes me giggle. It is pretty silly. But I do love it. And Ministry, man I wouldn't have my BFF Jen-Wa the Destroyer if it weren't for Ministry. Truly an important band in my life.

Here, have some "real" Ministry because I feel generous. This is beyond not safe for work. I think he says the "F" word about 70 times.

Moving on:

The Cramps are amazing. "Human Fly" is a great song. I was super sad when Lux Interior died a couple of years ago and I read all these comments in the gossip blogs from little 12 year olds going "OMG WHOZ?" Parents, educate your children.

I suppose I'd be a bad American if I didn't include Oingo Boingo among my Halloween favorites. But this is my favorite before "Dead Man's Party," sorry guys.

However this is cool:

I once spent a Halloween watching Johnny Vatos from Oingo Boingo play drums in a cafe. That was pretty rad.

Let's talk about Son of Sam. This is not AFI. They put out this great album called "Songs From Earth" and I haven't heard the follow up. Sorry, I'm a bad music fan.

I'll have more for you tomorrow I'm sure.

Things about me you may not know

I'm a pretty sensitive kid. You wouldn't know it because I'm always joking and I laugh a lot. I like making other people laugh. I like to make other people feel like the best person they can be. I live for that kind of a thing. Hell if you think about it, it's kind of what I do for a living. I think the world would be a better place if everyone went around thinking how they could make other people feel good about themselves.

But for all the smiling and joking, I'm really a sensitive kid. I cry pretty easily when I'm alone. How emo, I know, feelings are lame. But it's true. I cry at talking animal movies, any movie where someone dies, I cry at books, I cry at sad songs. I am just this massive ball of emotional retardedness.

Someone asked me recently why I always say "It's fine, don't worry about it." I think it's because I'm telling myself that. Because being so far away from my support system, falling apart every time something hurts my feelings, it's not an option. Because if someone yells at me at work or I misread someone's intentions in my life, I can't just run over to Teresa's house or go to the Black Sheep and tell Nicole about it over some veggie chilli. Hell I can't even go to the radio station and unload on Jojo (which I'm sure he's relieved about, ha ha) or make Tristan go to McCarthy's with me so he can tell me to sack up, rub some dirt on it and walk it off.

On the same level I can't just get in the car and drive two hours and be at my parents house either. Or Jackie's house. Or well... anyone. I'm six hours away at least from everyone who knows me best. So being sad, having a fit, needing something, these aren't options. It has to be okay. I can not worry about it.

Like on Thursday we had this huge event. And some stuff went wrong. And I couldn't freak out. I had no option but to say it was fine, walk it off and put a big smiley face on for the television camera and for my people. So yeah I guess I say "It's fine, don't worry about it," a lot. It's sort of like my mantra any more.

And it is.. it's fine. Moving up here was the scariest thing I have ever done. I don't think anyone understands how good, at least emotionally I had it at my last job. I was safe. I was with friends, hell those people are my family. It was fun and I had very little to account for. (Although Jo would probably tell you I kept trying to get more to do and probably over worked myself for what I was making, but hey you do that for the things/people you love) But with the love and support of my family and friends I made this jump to the moon and I'm here now trying to make my way. Trying. Most of the time it's going well.

Friday, October 29, 2010

Happy Halloween

I love Halloween. No joke. I like black cats and most scary movies and fall weather and all that stuff. But what I love most is the music... ahhh yes, it's true, I was a goth kid at an embarrassingly late age. It served me well once a year for four years though, when I was the co-creator/co-host/music director for a specialty show. On Halloween weekend, I brought out the best of the "spooky" best and I am beyond proud to say it is a tradition that has been continued in my absence. My friend Tristan emailed me the playlist for this weekend's show this morning and I was so proud. If you're near a computer on Saturday night at 11, punch up and listen to the Punk Ass Bitches show. Definitely one of the best things I was ever a part of.

Anyway since this music is what I do best, let's explore some of the songs I used to throw on the Halloween edition of the show:

The Virgin Prunes- "Baby Turns Blue"

You might not know this, but this band is loosely connected to U2.

I owe my friend Johnny Davies full credit for introducing me to this great band. Their stuff was at one point very hard to find but I think it's back out in circulation...

Christian Death-"Romeo's Distress"

You have to understand Christian Death is kind of offensive. But I love this band. Don't care. One of the stranger things I think I've ever seen was the Rozz Williams exhibit at the Museum of Death. Seriously they had the door he hung himself from and his ashes there. The Museum of Death is creepy. Anyway I have Jeremy Cross, the renowned artist to thank for bringing this band into my life. The album "Only Theatre of Pain" is amazing.

Bauhaus- "In the Flat Field"
Doesn't seem like the obvious choice, I mean that's "Bela Lugosi's Dead," but I've danced to this gem a few times in the goth clubs of LA and I love it. It's just as creepy. Peter Murphy is one of my all time favorite artists and I've seen his solo show a handful of times. This song is begging to be featured in a scary movie.

45 Grave - "Riboflavin"

Sure it's silly. So is the "Monster Mash" but you like that too. 45 Grave is another one of those Death Punk bands that never got their due. Dinah Cancer once gave me a Halloween pumpkin full of skull and spider rings. She's so cool. Anyway they did have one minute of fame if you can call it that:

"Party was featured in "The Return of the Living Dead," which I need to get on DVD.

Misfits - "London Dungeon"

Yeah there are more obvious choices for the Misfits, but damn if this song isn't great too. I mean you're hard pressed to find a Misfits song that's not about skulls or dead shit or whatever, so forgive the fact I skipped "Skulls."

And now I'm just going to blow out a handful of songs from my favorite cover band of all time, The Electric Hellfire Club, who seems to cover all my favorite goth/industrial/darkwave bands... Yes I just said darkwave, eat it.

They do one of Type O Negative "Black No. 1" but I can't find it on the Youtubes.

While we're on creepy covers, how about this one from Coil? "Tainted Love." Man I like it better than the Marilyn Manson cover.

The Sisters of Mercy- "Marian"
This is just another of those "creepy" bands I really really like and love to drag out on a rainy night to listen to. It's definitely not out of place on a Halloween party soundtrack...

I could keep doing this all night. Maybe I'll throw some more at you before Halloween night...


Nothing like getting paid and already being broke. I have this great costume and don't even get to go out this weekend because taaa daaa I don't have any money. Being grown up sucks.

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

me and love

My job has always been an issue in my relationships. I can't remember one that it wasn't. There is always the threat of my needing to move to another city for an opportunity or the long hours or the fact that I spend 90% of my time surrounded by men only, because there aren't a lot of girls in my business. It's always caused friction in my life as I am sure no one likes feeling like they come second to something else, even if they don't actually come second, it sometimes feels like it I'm sure.

I relate to this Gaga quote because I've done it a million times. Been sitting there looking at that decision. That ultimatum. Me or that. Us or radio. Us or the next adventure. Be with me or go be "famous" (I don't think I'm famous but I've had this load of shit thrown at my face before.) I've always chosen work. I've always chosen me. I'm selfish that way.

I've never regretted it though. And I honestly think it's impossible for me to meet someone who understands 100% how my business works. Because if I meet someone like that, they probably work in the same business and they're just as driven as I am. Just as ambitious. Just as focused. Just as much of a geek. I know there are more of "me" out there, I've worked with them. I've admired them. But I also know that given the choice: a relationship or work, they'd chose work, just like me. Work is always there, there is always something to be done, you can always go drown yourself in it when you're lonely.

To be fair, nothing is wrong now. I'm not terribly lonely or having issues really, just saw this today and it really struck me. Kinda weird to know one of the most famous women in the world has the same world view as me....


Last night I got the sad news that one of my former co-workers from the Clear Channel days of SLO and Santa Maria passed away.

M had been fighting cancer for awhile now. Hard. Four years ago they told her she had like six months live and well... that was four years ago. I think we all held our breath and hoped she'd beat it a little longer, because I can't think of a single person who doesn't love M. She was this gorgeous firecracker of a woman and although I didn't work with her every day, I looked forward to seeing her at our station gatherings. She always had a smile on her face and made everyone else around her smile too.

My heart aches for my former co-workers back home. My thoughts are with you guys. And with M, she'll be missed.

Monday, October 25, 2010

Shades of Scar

My friend Carlton has this new record out by his side project Shades of Scar. The album is called "The Hollow Season," and it is available via iTunes. I am so excited to be listening to it because I remember when "Zen Rivers" and a couple of these songs were just demos.

Carlton is insanely talented and I am so glad to hear him making music that he loves and believes in. If you like Skinny Puppy and the like... you will like this. Go to iTunes and download it.

Saturday, October 23, 2010


I'm not an only child by any means. I have two sisters, but I am the oldest. I've never had any brothers and have no idea what it would be like.

However when I was working at the Sea Shanty down in SLO I seemed to acquire a few of them. My two favorites being my boy Jojo and my big brother Danny.

This is at my going away party. This picture is on my desk.

I think about these two all the time. My last few months in San Luis Obispo, man I wouldn't have made it if it hadn't been for them listening to me freak out and cry and these two knuckleheads constantly making me laugh and putting up with the fact I would just walk into their office and sit on the floor and cry like an idiot. I could be 811 years old and I will always consider them not just my friends, but my family.

It's funny I miss them like crazy and am often reminded of this fact when I'm on the Facebook, like this morning. I was very blessed with my time there at the Sea Shanty and I'll probably never not be grateful for it.

There are more, the lovely DJ Slick, the amazing Sauve Javi, the very cool, talented and extremely nice DJ SOL... Damn man, I miss you all so much. There isn't anything like that going in Nor Cal, this is certain.

I'm grateful because all of these people helped me find my way when I was so lost. I can't thank them enough, which means you'll hear about them again someday.

Love you guys lots. xoxoxo

Friday, October 22, 2010

on a Mansion World

A long time ago there was this band Deadsy. My friend Russ got me into them back in 2000 when he took me to one of their first public shows. Actually it was before that, we were going to the Orgy "Vapor Transmissions" signing and he told me about this band he found searching Orgy on Limewire or Napster or whatever thing that isn't around any more. We went to see Deadsy about 3 months later at the Roxy Theatre in West Hollywood. It was the only show I ever got to see where Craig "the Beast" Riker played because unlike a lot of the old school "Legions" I didn't live in Los Angeles.

You wouldn't think so, but this band ended up actually changing my life. Like on a very real level. During the eight years I ran around in their circles I met some people who are still my family, my heart to this day. I've met Legions from all over the country, either that have flown in for a show or just flown to California to meet friends from the band's message board.

There are stories.... They are epic. For instance I met my former roommate and my best friend Jennifer through this band. My closest neighbor here in Chico, the amazing Casey Bowden up in Redding? Met him through this band. Susan, my gorgeous girlfriend who I've spent many a lost weekend with? Definitely through the Deadsy experience.

At first it was about the music. Getting what we thought was this crazy amazing band some exposure. Then honestly it became about the people. The boys in the band (well most of them) were down to Earth and more than happy to hang out with their fans. The fans were all dedicated and maybe we were not the coolest kids on the block at home but we made our own little world. There was message board royalty. Seriously. There were the people you always wanted to meet when you went to shows, either because of their pictures or posts or how rad they were in the weekly Deadsy chats and later because of their Myspace pages or whatever...

A few days ago one of the former board members, Stillbirth was one of his more popular handles, started a group on Facebook called "Deadbook," and we've all been meeting up on there and talking and sharing pictures and stories from the old days and it's almost like no time has passed at all. For some of these people this is like their high school reunion. For me it's like a family reunion. I can absolutely say that these kids saved my sanity when I went through a really shitty break up back in 2007. I was running the West Coast street team when "Phantasmagore" came out and I had to watch the board, mail posters, go to shows, meet people and make phone calls. When I wasn't working at the radio station I was doing Deadsy shit. And it was the only way I didn't go absolutely crazy. Because even if I was sad or depressed about my situation, these kids wanted to talk to me on the phone or chat online. We shared each other's lives. I knew what was going on in each and every one of their lives and they knew mine, even people I've never met. We bonded over this band and then took each other in.

By the time the ride was over, it wasn't even about the amazing music anymore. It was about the amazing people, the great times, and the feeling that at least for awhile, we all had each other. Most of these people are still my friends. Even people that haven't listened to a Deadsy record in years, I still talk to them. Actually it's funny Carlton, one of the guys in the band plays with Berlin part time now, and I saw him back in SLO before I moved and I hadn't seen him for more than five minutes in probably four years and it was like no time at all had passed. He's one of the great ones. I am grateful I got to spend a little bit with him before I moved up here.

And I'm grateful to L for bringing this group online again. I missed the constant interaction and I'm glad that at least for a little while, we're all together again.

This was filmed at the first show I ever went to.

Thursday, October 21, 2010


As you may know my Red Sox took their ball and went home awhile ago. My back up team over the years has evolved into being the San Francisco Giants, and tonight they could clinch and go to the World Series.

My ex is a HUGE Giants fan. He probably loves Giants baseball more than anything on the planet. As much as we're not talking right now and as much as I think we both hurt each other over the past year or so, I know he's had a really hard year in 2010. This would be a huge deal to him, and I'd like to see it happen for him.

And for the rest of the fans out there. It's pretty neat to go to a sports bar here and see so many Giants fans totally freaking out. I sort of picked up the team from watching countless games with my ex and last year I took him to AT&T park to see a game and man it's a bad ass ball park. I'd love to go back again in the future, especially when I have more time to hang around the city, etc.

View from our seats
I was so freakin' fat last year, why didn't anyone tell me? It was also incredibly humid that day.

Irish Heritage night!

Beer! I still have those cups.

The gates of the park.

Then of course there is the man, Brian Wilson, who's number I'm wearing today:

This is of course without the weird beard.
Serious face.

This is the sign of a good game.

I don't know why, but this guy cracks me up and I love watching his interviews. He never does anything he's supposed to and he throws a baseball like he's shooting a bullet out of a gun. Love him. Seriously. Hate away, I love this guy.

Anyway after work I'm debating going somewhere to watch the game, because if they win tonight, I don't want to be home alone celebrating with the cat. She wouldn't be into it, the cat is a Red Sox fan.

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

spirit day (or why I'm wearing purple today)

Today is now called Spirit Day

It's a day to show support for LGBT kids who are bullied and to try to call attention to the "recent rash" of suicides among young children/teens because they are being bullied for either being gay or being perceived to be gay.

I support the idea of calling attention to this. It is disgusting. It is horrible that kids are this mean to each other. I wonder where all these people who are so "concerned" now were before, because bullying isn't new. It isn't a fad.

As someone who was relentlessly picked on by the "popular" kids from about 5th grade until either my Senior year or graduation, I wonder where these people were when I didn't want to go to school (and some times just didn't) because I was sick of people picking on me. I was basically told by several people that if I would be more "normal," the "popular" kids would accept me and life would be grand. But I didn't want them to accept me, I thought they were total shit heads. I just wanted them to leave me the hell alone. Yeah, I was shorter than almost everyone. So I didn't ask to be short. And yeah I didn't have the "right" clothes because what freakin 5th grader needs designer jeans? Or 150 dollar shoes? Or why does it matter if I don't like the same things as you? But what went on with me was "just" kids being kids.

I like to think this awareness campaign is a lot of people my age, who got sick of being told to "be normal" and "just ignore it, it will go away," realizing that hey, we're the grown ups now, we get to make the rules and some other child or teen will not have to go through this on our watch. I look around at the celebrities coming out against this, Lady Gaga, Eve, Adam Lambert, Sarah Silverman, Ke$ha, etc and I realize that age wise these people are my peer group. We are the grown ups now. We're the adults. We get to "make the rules," and set the pace and we've decided this is NOT OKAY.

The other reason I am so fired up about this is I hate the stigma of being a "suicide survivor." I lost a very good friend and a huge part of my heart to suicide a couple of years ago and you know what is the worst? When people look at you like you're a freak because of that, or when people just won't let you talk about it, because yeah it's uncomfortable. If it's uncomfortable for you to hear about, how do you think someone who lost someone that way feels? How do you think it feels? I know people don't always know the right things to say but sometimes you just have to listen. There is no shame in knowing someone who chose to take their own life. It isn't your fault and you have every right to be angry, to be hurt, to be sad.

And I want any one to know that if they are considering something so drastic as to end their own lives, wait. Listen, I don't even know you and I love you. I will listen to you. I will hug you and take you for coffee/ice cream/lemonade and I will listen to you. If it isn't me, I promise you there is someone out there who will. Take a deep breath my tiny darlings and realize that the whole world is out there for you. I am living breathing proof that the bullying stops, it gets better. And the people picking on you? They may even apologize to you later in life. It's happened to me. Stand up, stand proud and realize that you are so freakin' amazing just the way you are, and that when you get older, people are going to fall all over themselves to know you. We "freaks" know this about each other. We stick together.

It's hard and it sucks to be a teenager. But when it's over and you survive it all, guess what? You get to lead your life the way you want. You get to make the rules.

Even now, YOU define who you are. Seriously mother eff any one who tells you that's wrong. You are more than ONE thing. You are not just gay, bisexual, lesbian, trans-gendered, short, black, white, Asian, Mexican, Puerto Rican, Muslim, Christian, Jewish, etc. You are artists, you are scientists waiting to happen, you are musicians, you are soon to be famous actors and directors, you are writers, you are future cops, firefighters, politicians. You are what's next. I am standing up for you now, because I need someone to run the world when I'm done. You're what is next, just hang in there. Just make it. Just know that this world is YOURS next and we need you and we love you.

so that was weird

I met a girl last night at the Flyleaf show who is a fan of mine. Like an honest to goodness ran down the street and jumped up to hug me fan. I haven't experienced much of that.

Lacey from Flyleaf is actually smaller than me. She's very sweet and very pretty in person. I could put her in my pocket and taken her home. But Lily might have eaten her. That tiny.

Pretty weird to hug someone who's been nominated for a Grammy. Pretty weird to go on stage and not think a thing of it, but that's what Jeremy and I did last night.

Hung out with Adelle afterwards, while she ate her dinner after getting off work at Duffy's. Came home, watched some tv (I'm trying to see what the big deal is about the Vampire Diaries so I borrowed it. So far I'm not impressed but I was pretty exhausted last night.)

Got my Halloween costume yesterday. ITS PERFECT.

Had some sad news from back home. A former co-worker of mine and a fantastic lady has had Cancer for awhile now and yesterday they told her she has a week left. They told her she had six months to live about four years ago though, so obviously her doctors are wrong. Obviously.

Ben has had a cold since Sunday. He let me fuss over him and take care of him Sunday night because we were already together when he started feeling crappy but he's been holed up at home since. I miss him. My friend Cesareo is in town tonight playing a show and I'd like to take Ben if he's up to it.

Blah blah blah.

Monday, October 18, 2010

photo dump

Beautiful at the Sacramento River

Ben and I at a fundraiser


i'm a hypocrite

It's true. I just saw this website and instead of laughing at the funny stories of the one time this one dude got high, I just got kinda mad. Anyone who knows me probably know why. I don't know I just feel like a large portion of the last few years of my life were ruled by someone else's need to smoke pot and I just don't even want to be around it anymore. Like I don't even want to smell it, which is not easy in Chico, especially at harvest. This whole town smells like Cheech and Chong's house.

Looks I know the benefits of weed. I do. I've been subject to many "legalize it" speeches and whatever. I get it. Weed can do all these miraculous things. I just don't really have any need to be around it or people that smoke constantly again. I'm good, thanks. And I guess maybe this site bugs me because it's just encouraging all the dumb stuff that people do while high. I realize does that for drunks and maybe that makes me a hypocrite, because I like to drink and because I think that site is funny. Or maybe I just don't find pot head humor funny. I don't know. I just got irrationally angry after seeing That High. Ugh whatever!

Saturday, October 16, 2010

stuff i like/want

Yes please

I took this running on the Bob Jones trail. I miss running on the Bob Jones trail. Yes I've kept the weight off that I lost doing it, but if it wasn't for this trail in the final months of my SLO life, I would've gone crazy.

I miss going dancing. I miss fresh new mixes every day. I miss having DJ's in my life. SEND ME YOUR MIXES, I WILL PIMP YOUR STUFF HERE ON THE BLOG!

This is Hello Kitty wearing headphones. On an iPhone case. WHY ISN'T THIS IN MY LIFE?

Jeremy (my ex, not the one I work with) and I used to go to countless art galleries. I fell in love with Shag. It's kitchy but I don't give a... Anyway this has always been one of my favorites but honestly anything with his cats is. Shag makes cats look great.

This is a square plate. I would like a new dinner set of square plates. I used to love my dishes SO FREAKIN MUCH but it's odd when someone breaks/loses/molds up to the point of not being able to be washed, your precious plates, they loose their luster. I am due for a new pattern. I want them square because I'm a freak.

So much want... I want a new bed set for my new bed so bad that I can TASTE IT. It tastes like Egyptian Cotton.

MMM sushi. Been so long since I've been....
Not real sushi, this ish stores data.

Thursday, October 14, 2010

temper trap

I do not have a bad temper usually. I'm pretty even when it comes to most things, aside from work and people screwing with people I love. For the most part whenever someone metaphorically shits on me, I just let it slide.

Yesterday I did not and I yelled and said some mean shit and hung up on someone. Not classy. Not my style. But I did it and I can't take it back. I may not even want to.

I realize that I hurt people sometimes. And I realize I do a lot of things wrong. But I do not wake up every day thinking how I'm going to screw someone over or hurt them. Sometimes I even panic when I don't know how to deal with a situation and try to do the least hurtful thing. And that usually ends up being wrong too.

I'm being vague because running off and blabbing to the internet about the little incident yesterday not really the thing to do... but I needed to get this off my chest.

People don't realize it, but when a relationship ends, both people are hurt. Continuing to remind a person who ended it doesn't change the fact that even the "dumper" as it were is in pain when they do it. I never take the decision to terminate any kind of relationship, friends or romantic, lightly. And in ending my last relationship, I agonized over that decision for months. Yes months. It wasn't all just the move. Or all just a friendship I had that got out of control. Or all money. There were a lot of reasons. The main one being I felt like I had already been given up on and had stopped mattering. And that's why.

This isn't to say I'm some kind of a saint. I am not. I did a lot of things wrong. Turns out I did some stuff wrong that I didn't even know I did! But I can't change it now and I guess the best thing to do now is let it go. Throw that pain out with the bathwater and hope that by cutting me completely out of their life, the person I hurt can find happiness. Because I want that for them.

It's all I ever wanted for them.

Wednesday, October 13, 2010


So right now I'm trying to play my trip back to Bakersfield for Thanksgiving. Hell, I'm TRYING to go home for Thanksgiving. The way things have been going and the sheer distance involved, I am almost not sure I can. I don't get the day before Thanksgiving off. I basically can not drive at night and it's supposedly six hours to Bako from here, although it took me 10 hours last time I did the drive.

Ben may come with me, which would be cool because then he could drive us down the night before Thanksgiving after I get off work. That'd be great, yeah we'd get into town hella late, but it beats me dragging into town at like Noon on Thanksgiving day. We could stay until Saturday and then swing through SLO for a night if any of my friends are going to be in town (I'm looking at you Teresa!) because he's never been to San Luis Obispo and drive home Sunday morning EARLY. It's gonna depend on his school schedule and his work schedule and if of course he actually decides to come.

If I don't go home, this would be the first holiday in my life I didn't spend with my family. I have no idea what I'd do here. Maybe have an orphans Thanksgiving of my own... I guess I could take the train but I don't even know what that would cost, when it would leave, etc.

I have moved to the damn moon.

Been chatting with some of my people back home at the old stations and maaaaan I miss them. I forgot to mention that when I was home last month, Wild sounds as amazing as ever. I stopped in there twice over the weekend and was shocked at how much I missed it. When I was there on Saturday visiting someone I kept feeling like I should get up and do something. I may have even offered to voice track. It's silly but I felt more at home there at the end than ever did running my own station over across the street. Could've been the people I worked with. Could've been that whole thing where you have to bond when there are like three of you. Could've been working with my best friends. I don't know. I know we were "miserable" there a lot but it was a really special time and place for me and I'll never ever regret it.

Anyway I have radio of my own to make. We're in the middle of planning another huge event and I'm exhausted. Go figure.

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

the rah rah rah heard round the world

"Bad Romance" just turned one. One song... Seriously changed my life. Ask anyone.

Monday, October 11, 2010

Brian Wilson

In all your epic doucheyness you need to call me.

While I'm up, I need this shirt

Just so you know, he's from Mass... as in the Boston area of... So I'm not a total sell out. He's just a really hot douchebag. So I should probably date him. Stat.

This ends my being a girly moron portion of the day

Sunday, October 10, 2010


So a few years ago every one I knew was blogging like crazy. Now it's just a few of us left and some people I don't really know but I've been reading for awhile...

Anyway who do you read? I'm always looking for new people to check out. Leave your suggestions in the comments.

Saturday, October 9, 2010


Last night Ben and I went to Chronic Tacos and then for drinks at the Bear and the Banshee with our friend Sarah.

This is us at the Bear

The funny thing about pictures of me, I rarely smile even when I'm having a great time. And last night was one of those great times. We were very silly, wandering downtown Chico, laughing at random stuff. It was good.

Sometimes things being simple is really awesome. Life got a little complicated back in San Luis Obispo at the end. Nothing I wouldn't have worked out and nothing I didn't work out but sometimes it feels like I was supposed to come here. Maybe for work. Maybe to save a friendship that could've gone really wrong if I hadn't made the jump. Maybe to help someone find the person they were supposed to be with. I never know why. But it's pretty good here most of the time, when people aren't trying to blow up my apartment or I'm not thinking of making the cat get a job.

Now if only my maid would show up and clean my damn house...when you work 10 hours a day, five days a week, you really don't usually feel like cleaning house on your day off.

Friday, October 8, 2010

eff chico

So last night I was sitting in my apartment talking to Ben when I heard this "boom" sound.

It sounded like someone hit my car, so I ran outside. Nope, someone LIT MY LANDLORD'S CAR ON FIRE. Needless to say I FREAKED OUT. And ran outside to move mine. But then the tree next to our houses went up in flames and I don't know I just started crying.

I've had a really bad week. Like epically bad. I'm broker than shit, I am seriously trying to figure out how to live off of sixty dollars for the next 7 days without borrowing any money or whatever. I've had a couple of other ishy things happen to me in my personal life that aren't worth blogging about and the last thing in the world I wanted/needed is my house to burn the eff down.

I screamed up the stairs and Ben called the fire department. My neighbors came out. Ben came down and dragged me away from any of the cars because I didn't need to move mine and in case my landlord's new car exploded he kinda didn't want me to explode. So we stood there, me in my Hello Kitty pj's, and watched my house almost burn down.

The fire department came. The cops came. My poor landlord looked pretty upset. Duh, her brand new car had just exploded. Apparently my amazingly cool landlord had evicted someone and well, this was their idea of a good time and pay back.

I'm exhausted. I'm broke. I'm angry. I'm grateful my house didn't actually burn down.


Thursday, October 7, 2010

We need you

And my favorite one

Seriously. What the hell? I remember how mean other kids were growing up. It isn't harmless. It isn't "kids just being kids," and it is AWFUL. It sucks. I got picked on so much growing up for everything, and even yeah, a crap ton of people in my high school thought I was a lesbian (and that didn't bother me, it was the fact they were mean to me BECAUSE OF IT that bothered me.) and if it wasn't for my family and my friends and honestly my radio job I picked up when I was still in high school, I don't know how I would have dealt with it. Kids are ruthless and mean.

School and growing up... doesn't have to be like Lord of the Flies. Watch what you say around your kids... And you can cuss me all day every day for daring to tell America they might be doing something wrong, but constantly demon-izing a section of society because you don't agree with who or how they love? Eff that. You're wrong. Period. Argue with me all day. You're still wrong.

Two consenting, non related people in love? Why is that so freakin scary? Why is that cause for alarm?

Wednesday, October 6, 2010


I have never seen this show the Vampire Diaries, although I did read the books it was based on when they first came out. (I was in junior high.)

The soundtrack landed on my desk the other day and I have to say it's pretty sexy. This song is gorgeous. I'm in a pretty mushy mood today outside of the office and this song fits perfectly...

I'm getting well by the way. No more fever, just kinda run down still. I'm trying to take it easy the next couple of days but the gym is kinda calling my name too...

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Dear Outside World....

I am sick.

I knew it was going to happen. I felt pretty run down yesterday and kept assuming it was because I had a little too much fun over the weekend. I went taco tasting with Jeremy and eventually grabbed our friend Chris from the awesome La Cocina Economica and we ended up at Jeremy's watching the football game. Around 9 last night though it hit me, I was going to die. I wasn't just tired, I was actually going to die if I didn't go home.

I called Ben to come and get me because my car wasn't where we were when the feeling of DREAD hit me. He brought me home and I went to bed. This morning I woke up with a fever and a head cold. I went into work for a little while and got the station going for the day but basically got told by several people I should go home. So I took a sick day.

There's some bug going around at the office and I likely picked it up as well. Bryan's out sick today too. Small office, lots of germs.

Ben promised to check on me later. While I was curled up in a ball in my floor this morning willing away my possessions because obviously a 99 degree fever means I'm going to die, I mentioned to him that I wanted my dad and that I was certain I'd moved to the moon, 400 miles away from anyone who would miss me if I died so I could die of the Mongolian Death Flu and Lily was going to eat my face. Ben assures me he would notice if I died and will check on me and bring me some gatorade later. He helped me get ready for work this morning and told me it was okay if I had to puke. Ha ha. I didn't but it was nice of him to tell me that he wouldn't be grossed out.

I've never been good at being sick. I feel useless right now, even though I'm on my laptop in bed like a good little patient. I brought some work home with me too, like an idiot. I may be on death's door but goddamn it those taco tasting videos can get posted or something...


Monday, October 4, 2010

the mystery of the boy

Danhella asked about Ben.

I've said his name a few times here and haven't really talked about him much, which is silly since I see him more than anyone else in Chico. I guess I was trying to be respectful of the feelings of my last boyfriend, because I do care how he feels, but he's known about Ben for a minute and from what I have heard out of his own mouth, is seeing someone else already as well, so... yeah let's talk about Ben.

This is Ben and I at Johnnie's. This was probably taken like a week ago. This is my favorite old man bar to drink at and I've turned Ben on to it. As of today I've known Ben for three months. We haven't been dating this entire time mind you, but I met him the weekend of my birthday. At first I was just stoked to have a friend, who was a local and who knew where I could get some tasty Thai food or when the best time to go to Duffy's was. Or you know a friend with horrible taste in Netflix movies, because he has horrible taste in Netflix movies, but excellent taste in tacos.

Ben has always been kinda protective of me and has taken care of me since I moved up here, weather it be feeding me when I've been broke or running me some cash at the golf tournament in Paradise or fixing my computer. He's always made me laugh and he has this great smile and silly sense of humor that I get. Plus he loves cats. A major requirement for the mom of a Lily Monster. And Lily likes Ben.

This is from when we went wine tasting. He'd never been before so I took him. We had a great time. We always have fun together. Even doing nothing, like when he comes over and brings his papers to grade and I catch up on Weeds and True Blood. Like that stuff is fun with us. Or when I cook these big elaborate meals because he likes my cooking. And he likes going to shows with me and hanging out with my two or three friends I do have here. I took him to Del Taco for his very first time last week on the way to and from Muse... Can you believe that, he's lived 45 minutes from Del Taco his whole life and had never been! Insane!

When I was in San Luis Obispo a couple of weeks back, I missed him. He watched my cat while I was gone. And he did my dishes and mopped my floor. He doesn't even live here, he just wanted to do something nice for me. He talked to me on the phone while I made my 10 hour trek back and was here waiting when I got home at 2 am. When my dad had to put Choco to sleep two weeks ago, Ben bought me flowers and went out with me and drove me home. And that was the night we decided that yeah, we're going to do this. We're together right now.

Ben hates football and won't play a long and wear a Seahawks hat on Sundays, but he goes with me every week if I want to. Even though it's not his thing, because he knows I like it. And there is generally booze at Sunday Funday. I'll convert him yet. He looks really cute in my Seahawks hat, but I promised I wouldn't post the picture. (It's really cute though.)

Ben's a little younger than me, no big deal. He's a grad student and scary smart. Total nerd. He's also teaching and installing something to do with dirt at some place in Oroville. He won't tell you this, but he's a great photographer and actually knows about music I've never heard before. He's also a fanatic about brushing his teeth and bought me some seriously awesome toothpaste once because I'd never tried it. (Toms of Maine, get some, its great.) He's also really cool about certain attachments I have to certain friends and either understands it or has given up trying to change my mind. Either way, he's rad about it.

The other thing I like about Ben.. he's no bullshit. He doesn't have a bullshit bone in his body. He's straight forward, even if I'm not going to like the answer. He gives great hugs, super comforting and he thinks I'm gorgeous and classy. So he can stay for now. Ha ha.

And that's the truth about Ben. Mystery solved

Day 30 - Your favorite song at this time last year

Last day of the meme!

I wrote about this song another time, but yeah this was my first "favorite" at Wild. I used to drive home after work listening to it with my windows rolled down, feeling all pimp and stuff...

But there are more!

It's weird to think this was just a year ago.

To be honest, working over there in the Sea Shanty was one of the best/worst times of my life. I miss it, on the real.

Anyway... meme over, now what do I write about?

Sunday, October 3, 2010

Day 29 - A song from your childhood

I was a kid when MTV was new, so there are a ton of songs but here are two.

Madonna - Open Your Heart

I love Madonna. Sue me. I listened to a lot of Madonna growing up. But I remember this video from being little.

I also listened to a metric ton of Prince but he's a butthole and won't let his music be posted on Youtube. This is annoying.

The Bangles - Hazy Shade of Winter

I also LOVED the Bangles when I was in 2nd & 3rd grade. My friend Ria and I tried out for the talent show lip syncing to Walk Like an Egyptian. We didn't make it obviously but we had great outfits. Ria had all the best clothes. I can't remember when she moved away, but I do remember her mom telling her we couldn't be best friends anymore after she moved away. Stupid, who tells their kids that?

Tomorrow is the last day of this meme and I'm actually going to have to write real posts after this. Wow. Should be...fascinating.

Saturday, October 2, 2010

Day 28 - A song that makes you feel guilty

I have two actually... So there.

Lady Gaga - Monster

The Veronicas- Untouched

No explanation today kids... if you think you know why, maybe you're right, maybe you're not.

Guilt is weird... You can feel guilty for doing something. You can feel guilty for NOT doing something. Maybe I feel guilty for a combination of both...

Either way both of these songs are bomb. Enjoy.

Day 27 - A song that you wish you could play

I don't really have one. I'm just going to skip ahead to the next question...

Friday, October 1, 2010

sing for absolution


Here's what I hate: I hate that I've been feeling guilty, been keeping one of the best parts of my Chico experience a secret to spare feelings... Alot of people's feelings actually because I was flat out sure people back home would judge me for meeting someone so quickly after moving and I don't know, getting involved or whatever. It was never my intention and I don't wake up in the morning and think "How am I going to hurt people today?" because I was raised better than that.

I hate that I've been doing that and surprise some of the people I've been trying to avoid hurting? They've been hiding the same damn thing from me. And some people knew and didn't say anything. Not that I expected them to but for real?

At any rate, I don't feel guilty or bad or even wrong anymore.

I'm dating someone. There. It's out there. He's rad and as my friend Dain would say, he's a "stuff do-er." This Ben person, the cat even likes him. (Then again the cat is kind of a whore, but we love her anyway.)

I'm not mad. I'm not even like... what's the word I'm looking for... who cares? I'm sad because from everything I've been told about this next venture in the life of this boy I used to think I was going to marry? I was never his type anyway. We may have just been wasting each other's time for a long time.


Anyway happy Friday bitches. I'm gonna be Lady Gaga about this and be a free bitch, baby.

Day 26 - A song that you can play on an instrument

I can't play anything anymore. At one point I could play the clarinet, oboe, some sax and I learned the bells. Now I play Adobe Audition.

Thank god this meme is winding down.