7:30 on New Years Eve

I'm sippy a cocktail and getting ready to get into a fly girl party dress and head off to a party at the boyfriend's friend's house.

Wow this isn't where I thought I'd be 365 days ago when I was sitting at Sushiya with Kristin and Kenny and Amber. I wasn't sure what 2010 was going to bring.

It brought a lot of changes. A new job. New love. New house. New city. New friends.

Man who knew?

I didn't.

Last year I wrote a blog on New Years Eve called "Just say F@#k it" because life had just been too hard for too long and I decided to take up the motto "F#@k it." It sort of served me pretty well this year. I did things I never thought I would. Had great experiences. Moved forward (but not completely on, y'all back home are still in my heart big time, always.) and just hoped for things to get better.

I guess they finally did.

Happy New Year.

good bye 2010

You're gonna get two blogs from me today, but let's start with the easiest one, the rest of the music I loved in 2010...

Heard this the first morning I was in Chico as a resident. I was watching MTV every morning while I got ready for work and man, sucker punch.



One of the songs I heard ALOT of when I visited SLO back in September. Such a great trip and I got to see everyone I wanted to.



I loved playing this on Wild because hey, I knew some stuff about Travie McCoy, for once I wasn't a total moron!



This song was the soundtrack to moving. Seriously La Roux get straight up out of my head.



I don't get the video at all but Gaga, I love you. And this song.



OMG epic. Like painfully epic cool. "Once you kill a cow, you gotta make a burger!"

Gaga you're a freakin' space alien but let's be BFF's, you like Betsey Johnson right?



The Texas Hippie Coalition feels like my personal rock radio discovery this year. I gotta give mad love to Matty Martino over at Landshark Promotions for always turning me on the good stuff. This band is channeling Pantera in a huge way. My listeners have been going NUTS for this one for a long time. And Big Rich gives great interviews. So epic.



Red Line Chemistry is another Matt Martino special, along with my friend Ken Pittman, both of them worked this record to me. As someone who grew up in the 90's my ears do perk up a little at anything that sounds sort of Seattle. RLC came by my station and did a little in studio with us and it was hella fun. Nice guys, I hope they make it!



This Janus song we were already playing when I got here but I'm not gonna lie, I liked it. I think it's mostly the song structure, since it reminds me of a lot of stuff I'd listen to on my own. I know next to nothing about this band but this was one of the songs that stuck out a little more in the waves of active rock I had thrown my way this year.



Yes I realize Shakira makes some of you want to put your fingers in your ears in search of your ear drums to puncture them, but if that's the case, mute it and just watch the video. :)



I tried really hard not to like this song. It goes against all of my beliefs (she says after posting a Ke$ha song like a week ago) but damn if it didn't get me...

Speaking of Ke$ha....



Jojo gave me a copy of the Ke$ha CD while I worked at Wild. Show prep and all that. On FIRST listen I said "Animal" is a single. The next one even. I wasn't wrong... This may not have been as big as "Your Love is My Drug" or "Tik Tok," (please skeezy, learn to spell you're so maddening!) but I think this is actually a better song. That's because I love me some bass. And I'm pretty sure I saw Ke$ha downtown last night in Chico. Who else would make out with four dudes in a row on the street and fall on her head on the concrete in front of Duffy's at 2am? Oh right, half of Chico State.



Pretty sure this one was unavoidable this year too. I go back and forth with Eminem and if I like him or not. I liked a few things off this latest record but I still kind of want to punch him in the face sometimes. I'm sure he's used to that tho, so Marshall let's call it a draw and move on.

But Riri, man I LOVE Rhianna. LOVE HER. Can't understand a word she says in interviews sometimes but who cares? She's freakin' amazing. LOVE HER.



I just put that one in there for my friend Nicole. We used to listen to this at the Black Sheep. Super good times.

I'm sure I forgot some, but whatever... What did you love in 2010?

winter

I went through this blog recently to see what someone who maybe just met me would get out of it... And I realized I keep a lot of my life and feelings out of it. This isn't some place I come to vent or share deep secrets. I dance around a lot of stuff and talk about music and am basically surface. Maybe it's because this blog is public, registered under my own name, maybe it's because anyone could find it or maybe this is the tidy presentation of my life. This is the clean room where everything is stuffed inside the closet.

And I know other people don't approach their blogs that way. I know other people use them as a catch all for their feelings or a place to scream into the void or record important moments in their life. And some people don't mind getting a little messy in their corner of cyber space and letting things out there. Hell some people have probably forgotten they ever posted anything about certain things in the first place. Some people don't take their own blogs to heart.

So I guess I shouldn't either.

This song has been in my head all day.

Angel On My Shoulder

Late in 2009 I got into this show Ghetto House Radio that we played on Wild when I was working there. Every week I'd grab a couple of the mixes and listen to them while I ran the trails in Avila before work in the mornings or while I was driving to and from San Luis. Ghetto House Radio is pretty much in constant rotation still in my life, as a lot of my friends drop mixes for them every week and one of my other friends does the imaging for the show.

This song was on a mix earlier this year. Probably at the height of my "what the hell is going on," period. And it does pretty much sum up how I felt almost all the time back then. Also the album "Strobelight Seduction," is one of my favorite whole albums of 2010.

oh M.I.A you so weird

I got this album sent to me right after I met Ben.



We were still just friends then. We were just friends for awhile after I moved up here. I had no intention of having a relationship with anyone really. But Ben is really endearing and adorable. He gives these fully body hugs that just feel like someone is putting a little protective bubble around you. And he gives them (at least to me) with reckless abandon. He's never been shy about being affectionate towards me, even when we were just friends who ate dinner together or went to the Old Man Bars together because I really didn't know anyone here but him and Sarah.

Anyway I think the first time I ever had an inkling that I really liked Ben for more than his dinner conversations was driving around one day this summer listening to this song. It may have been while he was on the East Coast with his family and I realized that I missed him. I think we talked on the phone more in those couple of weeks than we ever have now. (He lives five minutes away from me, the phone is just to tell me to unlock the door of the apartment.) He listened to all my gripes about being lonely here and assured me that I wouldn't die up here and the cat wouldn't eat my face or any of that. He made me laugh.

So not only does this song remind me of the latter half of 2010, it reminds me of Ben and hearing him laugh over the phone from 3000 miles away when I was still sleeping on the floor and spending every night sitting next to my pool listening to music wondering what the hell I'd done by moving here.

that boy was a monster

Everyone knows that the very epic "The Fame Monster" came out in 2009. The story of how I got a copy of the record is one of my favorites from my old job... just having my boss walk in and start rummaging through my purse after we bickered on Facebook about the record. And there it was, in my purse all of a sudden. Viola, surprise here's the CD you've been nagging me for, for like ever.

The whole album is a banger. It's amazing. This song though, popped out at me when we started playing it as a single early in the year.



I've definitely danced to this one a few times in 2010.

i wanna watch the world..

Songs of 2010... Man there are so many more. This is the first one though that will remind me of Chico.



A little backstory, I LOVE the Deftones. Like LOVE them. Back in the Deadsy days they were known in my house as "friends of the Family," because they were. The Deftones are cool dudes who helped out some friends of mine.

They put out the first single "Diamond Eyes" before I moved to Chico. It might have even been during my interview process to come up here. I don't remember. But when I got here the record was out and I snagged a copy and sat around listening to it a lot. People kept telling me that it was all about "Rocket Skates" and it may still be, but for me it was always about "You've Seen the Butcher," which is slowly and steadily climbing the active rock charts while you and I sit here.

I remember listening to this song the first time I was getting ready to go out with Ben (although at the time it wasn't just Ben I was going out with, etc, group outing with friends blah blah blah...) I didn't know why I was nervous and just was pacing around the apartment after I'd gotten dressed and waiting for my ride, listening to this song on my computer LOUD since the apartment below me was empty at that time. The doorbell rang and the song ended...

Off we went.

new stuff

Look I don't know what's going on here, but I like it.



I want to crank it on a car stereo and drive around or something.

musica de broken heart

Let me be straight with you, when I first heard this song I was like WTF? I was on the freeway going up to SLO for work and it came on our station and I was like "This makes no sense." Except this song is universal if you've ever been in love with someone you shouldn't be and let's face it everyone has at some point. And the middle of the night (especially after a pint or two) is the loneliest time of the night when you feel like this.



Or they wouldn't have ways to block people from making phone calls after a certain time of night, right?

I could tell you all the things this song reminds me of. I won't though.

This is one of those songs that will always catch my throat a little and remind me of something so strange I'm starting to think I imagined the whole thing.

No. Just. No.

Are you serious?

News story:

Michael Vick Wants to Own a Dog Again

MICHAEL VICK is legally barred from ever owning a dog again . . . for obvious reasons. But Vick thinks he's ready for a new pet. And he thinks it would actually help him.

--He says, quote, "I would love to get another dog in the future. I think it would be a big step for me in the rehabilitation process.

--"I think just to have a pet in my household and to show people that I genuinely care, and my love, and my passion for animals."

--Vick blames his upbringing for not knowing that dogfighting was wrong . . . quote, "When I was younger I got caught up in dog fighting . . . It was something to do.

--"I hate to use our culture as an excuse. It is what it is. I love animals. I love dogs. I love birds. I love all types of animals. But this is just the way I was brought up. Nobody ever told me it was the wrong thing to do."

--Vick says that he works with the Humane Society and goes out on speaking engagements . . . even though the courts don't make him. And he claims he's learned his lesson.

--He says, quote, "Dogfighting is prominent all across the country, and I know it goes on in a lot of different urban areas.

--"A lot of kids have probably seen it happening before. Hopefully, they're not involved in it, and hopefully they take away from what happened in my situation and avoid it at all costs."

(--Should Michael Vick own a dog? I know very few dog lovers would say yes. But the guy did serve his time, after all. Aren't we supposed to be about giving people second chances? Discuss.)

-------------

No really, I'm curious internets, what do you think?

If you've spent five seconds on this blog you know what I think, but... How the eff can this guy go around saying he loves animals but didn't know brutally murdering them was WRONG? No. Fail. Get the eff out. I have ZERO patience for people who hurt animals for fun. None. It's just flat out wrong.

I was talking with someone the other day that was actually MORE disgusted about Brett Farve and his sexting and apparently small package. Is what Brett Farve did wrong? Sure. But guess what, I'm way more willing to forgive a little sexting than I am an animal murderer.

People often mistake animals as lesser beings. That they don't feel. That they don't have little personalities and memories and love just as much as human beings do. They're wrong. Animals love fiercely, loyally and most of all unconditionally. They put their blind faith in their human companions. And this is why we should protect them. They give us love, companionship, laughter, some help us walk/see/take our medication/call 911 if we pass out, some help kids learn to read, some help people with social anxiety, some comfort the dying... Animals work for us, care for us and trust us. We should protect them and we should see people that hurt them as absolute villains, as we should see any one who preys on anyone that is helpless and or unable to protect themselves.

I can not point to and re-post this article in Sports Illustrated enough. Look at what Michael Vick's dogs did after they were rescued. These are dogs he would have had shot, electrocuted, drowned, mauled, had beaten to death or tied to a tree to die in the woods because he "didn't know" it was wrong.

So no, I don't think Michael Vick should even be allowed to own a goldfish again, much less a dog or a cat or well anything. I'm not even cool with his return to football and the fact that everyone is so ready to stand up and act like he's some kind of a hero because he served his jail time and now can run faster, jump higher and play harder than before.

Sitting here in Bakersfield

Social Distortion has a new record coming out in 2011 and this song is on it.

It makes me giggle for many reasons, one of which being some old friends of mine were on tour with them when they wrote it. The boys I knew had a couple of days off from the tour and did a show with Guttermouth in San Luis Obispo and moved into my house for three days before we all headed out to Bakersfield so they could rejoin the tour and my roommate and I could see Social Distortion and of course support our friends.

I've seen Social D about 15 times. I think the Bakersfield show was the 15th, because I haven't seen them since. I was standing on the side of the stage at Stramler Park that night, it was summer and I was behind the little fence that keeps "the public" out sipping on a Coors light that someone had handed me and listening to this song for the first time, after learning it was only a few weeks old. I could see all the old people I used to know in town, some now married with their babies on their shoulders in the park and it was just a really great night.

I had a lot of nights like that back in 2005... It was probably the second most fun summer of my life after the summer of 1999, which was for the most part spent in Bakersfield.

I'll be back in Bakersfield next week for three days. Should be a good time. I won't have a car though, so I'm not sure how it's gonna work out. I don't have money to go out anyway so it's not that big of a deal.

the songs of 2010

I heard this song for the first time driving to work to pick up my time card some time back in March.

Sometime back in March... ha ha I know exactly when I heard it. The words slapped me in the face and I remember getting the phone out to Shazaam it and looking it up when I got to the office. There wasn't any one else there, it was a Saturday after all and I listened to it again while I filled out my unemployment stuff. Maybe twice more.

I remember just sitting there wondering how it was that someone had snuck into my head and stole all the thoughts I'd been having that week out of my head and put them to music. I remember really being sick of that happening at the time. (I later found out that Pink co-wrote this song and it made even more sense, homegirl reads my mind. I sleep in a tin foil hat to prevent it.)

It was kind of a chilly day and I left the station and went to the post office and then because like a lot of the time in the Spring of that year I didn't want to go home, because home made me sad and frustrated, I walked around downtown SLO and ended up in the Black Sheep probably talking to Rachel and maybe Nicole after that. You never know how long you can nurse a cocktail or a glass of iced tea until you absolutely do not want to go home.

Back to the song, this song is beautiful and I think we've all felt this way some time or another. And sue me I like Adam Lambert, a lot more than I thought I would when the American Idol buzz was going on (I still have yet to watch an entire episode of that show. Or well any of it. I know how it works exclusively from the internet.) Anyway this is yet another song that was part of the sound track of 2010.

I don't have time to be sick

But I think I've got a small cold. I need soup and to be babied please

feminist notebook

I was a tiny bit too young for Riot Grrrl. Okay that's not true, it was happening while I was happening, turning into my teen years, realizing I could think, realizing that boys didn't get to have all the fun... yeah Riot Grrrl was HAPPENING. But I was twelve and living in Bakersfield and finding out about all of it from Sassy magazine.

I have no idea how I got a subscription to this magazine as a pre-teen. Probably told my mom it was just like Seventeen or Teen or anything else. She really wanted me to stop reading rock music magazines so I cheated a little. Sue me, like crack on the street I would've found the WORD out there somewhere.

My cousin Michelle was a fantastic bad influence, just dropping the names Exene Cervenka and Anais Nin and god knows what else around me. I devoured these little clues that there was something out there for girls like me.

I just read an article on some celeb gossip piece of crap where someone was interviewing one of my first idols (but not my first idol, that's easily Cyndi Lauper) Kathleen Hanna and she said these Riot Grrrl bands were on the verge of being forgotten. of being lost. Kathleen Hanna donated all her papers, the zines, the everything to NYU to keep this from happening. It just makes me crazy that there are girls younger than my sisters out there walking around without a clue that these women, these ball busting amazing women made it okay for Taylor Momsen to be out there with her boobs out or even that these women were around before Britney or X-Tina or even Gaga (and you know I love me some Gaga)

I had my Riot Grrrl moment in the sun in the early 2000's before riotgrrl.com disbanded. They chose me to be a columnist and asked me to write about something that made me a better feminist and I wrote about moving in with my dad who recognized that I was a person and needed to be independent and needed to learn to make some money and get myself from here to there and even knew that if I worked overnights I wouldn't automatically die or get mugged. They approved my article and then the website folded. But for awhile I was bummed. And if I still had it I would repost the story about how my dad made me the bad ass independent (for the most part) take no prisoners woman I am.

When I was 23 I got to see Le Tigre perform. Kathleen Hanna is a genius. I mean come on, she punched out Courtney Love once and married one of the Beastie Boys (the original reformed boy sexist pigs turned feminists). She made me cry. She was so earnest. She believed whatever she was saying in that tiny club.

I guess what I'm saying is that none of this music should be forgotten. I absolutely wouldn't be who I am without ANY OF IT. I think I even mentioned it on the air the first week I was here when I played L7. I wouldn't have had a clue that I could be the biggest bad ass on the block in rock and be a girl.

I won't let any of this music be forgotten. It means everything.

Last Christmas

I'll admit it, the Christmas season last year was really hard for me. For one it was hard for me to get presents for anyone and I wouldn't have been able to if it hadn't been for Santa Dad dropping a shopping fund into my bank account. Things at home were strained. Things elsewhere were... odd*.

Last Christmas seems like it was a thousand years ago. On another planet even. It's hard to even imagine myself in the situation and I was right there in it, you know? Anyway enough vague musings.. let's get down to the point.

I was watching "Glee" last week (really I'm ashamed, I have a campy side and I can't deny it. It's how my friend Megan and I have stayed friends for YEARS.) and the Glee kids did one of my favorite Christmas songs, (well one of a few of them... shoot me) and I giggled a little. "Last Christmas," by Wham! is one of my favorites ever.

Oh George, that hair!

Why do I love this song? I'm actually a big George Michael fan... Don't even start me... and because it's perfect. Duh. So perfect it's been covered a million times. And I love most of the covers too! Let's investigate shall we...

Before you watch this one, know that this isn't the real band in the video and the audio quality is so much more "HISSY" than I wanted, but I'm at home so I can't clean it and re-upload. Please survive.



I love Jimmy Eat World. I blame Jennifer for it to be honest. She was always playing Jimmy Eat World at our old house. But I love love love this version of this song and when I make CD Christmas cards, it's ALWAYS on it.

Look there's even a trance remix of it. Let's get a glow stick and freak out on E by the tree! Where's my pacifier?

Speaking of dance music, I just found this version today and I'm not gonna lie, I like it. Cascada (Little Miss Natalie Horler sings "Evacuate the Dancefloor") was one of my favorites when I was over at Wild and I enjoy her take on this song:

Nothing sadder than a beautiful girl in a beanie singing about her ex boyfriend effing her over at Christmas right? Even to a dance beat. Actually she looks like my friend Lauren over at KLUC. I imagine if Lauren went to Germany she might get mobbed.

Finally here is the Glee cast version of it.

So yeah.. that's one of my favorite Christmas songs... I'll share a couple of my other favorites before the holiday for sure.

I don't really know what this Christmas is going to be like. What I do know is I'm getting on a train on December 23rd to go home. That drive is straight up murder. The weather here makes it seems like Christmas but other than putting up my tree, I haven't "gotten the spirit" yet. I have "Love Actually," sitting on my hard drive so I may have to hit that up tonight.. :)

(*Definition of odd: knowing something is going on but choosing to ignore it, HARDCORE because you feel like you're hallucinating? I mean one of those "Did I just imagine that ish?" kind of feelings. And being bound and determined to ignore anything going on in your own head because, yeah.)

that's just how the story unfolds

There is no way I can hear this song and not think of 2010.

This song came out around the time I was interviewing for my job up here. I probably heard it on the radio about 9098908 times on the drive up. It will never not remind me of that very uncertain time in my life when I wasn't sure what Chico was going to hold and if walking away from the friendships and the decent (but far from perfect) life I had back home.

train vs car travel

Going home to Bakersfield in 16-17 days and I need to decide, train or car.

Both take about the same amount of time and cost about the same. My dad has graciously offered to help me pay for it.

Cons to train:

Train leaves Chico at 3am.

I have no transportation in Bakersfield for the couple of days I'm there, meaning I either have to rely on other people to drive me around or borrow a car.

I have no way to lug any gifts back or down. Back is no problem, I don't want anything this year but down would bum me out.

Also it's cheaper to leave at 3am Christmas Eve and arrive Christmas Eve day at 130pm than the Thursday previous.

Train is slightly more than car in gas (although gas prices could go up before X-Mas eve) but...

I have to get someone to pick me up and drop me off at both ends of the trip.

I have to be more selective in what I pack and when I go and come back.

Definitely no chance to me zipping over to SLO for a day, but then again who is going to be home anyway?

Pros to train:

Train arrives in Bakersfield at 1:15pm

I only have to ride the bus for one hour if I get a certain route. Everything else is glorious train with snack cars and bathrooms and electrical outlets.

I can sleep on the train (no I know I won't, but the idea is there)

I have anxiety when I drive alone on long country roads. I only developed it living in SLO and taking the two shitty roads out of SLO to Bakersfield. I will be going alone this trip I'm pretty sure and the drive back always takes 12 hours. ALWAYS.

Ben can watch the cat, my house, and my car while I'm gone. Other than the 3am drop off/pick up times, I'm sure he'd have no problem with it.

So internet, what do you think I should do?

2010 music continued

I admit it, I love Hardnox. Even more so because they were responsible for my first visit to my old station's club night. They played at one of our Wednesday nights and I finally got over being too shy to go and went. I had a blast and it was really neat to be around my friends from work in a more social setting. This song is still on my list of stuff I listen to when I'm getting ready to hit the town.

The Hardnox boys are down to Earth and cool as hell. It was really neat to see them on the Giants victory parade and getting all that love during the play offs and World Series. (The Giants picked up their song "Fist Pump" for something in the park.)

more music from 2010

I think we were all embarrassed when we fell in love with this song. I know I was embarrassed that this stupid song put into words something I was going through earlier this year. This dorky assed song could say words I didn't know how to make? Failure, thy name is Stephanie.

A million times in our life we think we meet someone who completes us or makes us whatever. I met someone who is me. And I'm one of their biggest fans. And I know that they are one of mine.

I will be nine hundred and eleven years old and still be grateful for knowing someone like that. Being just what I needed even though I probably drove them crazy. (It's okay they drove me nuts too. You try hanging out with yourself all the time, it's absurdly endearing and annoying at the same time.) This song is always, no matter what going to remind me of that and of this weird year when everything I knew changed so completely drastically and hopefully for the better.

"Hey, Soul Sister" - Train

Heeey heeeey heeeeey

Your lipstick stains on the front lobe of my left side brains
I knew I wouldn't forget you
And so I went and let you blow my mind
Your sweet moonbeam
The smell of you in every single dream I dream
I knew when we collided you're the one I have decided
Who's one of my kind

Hey soul sister, ain't that mister mister on the radio, stereo
The way you move ain't fair you know
Hey soul sister, I don't wanna miss a single thing you do tonight

Heeey heeeey heeeey

Just in time, I'm so glad you have a one track mind like me
You gave my life direction
A game show love connection, we can't deny
I'm so obsessed
My heart is bound to beat right out my untrimmed chest
I believe in you, like a virgin, you're Madonna
And I'm always gonna wanna blow your mind

Hey soul sister, ain't that mister mister on the radio, stereo
The way you move ain't fair you know
Hey soul sister, I don't wanna miss a single thing you do tonight

The way you can cut a rug
Watching you is the only drug I need
So gangster, I'm so thug
You're the only one I'm dreaming of
You see I can be myself now finally
In fact there's nothing I can't be
I want the world to see you'll be with me

Hey soul sister, ain't that mister mister on the radio, stereo
The way you move ain't fair you know
Hey soul sister, I don't wanna miss a single thing you do tonight
Hey soul sister, I don't wanna miss a single thing you do tonight
Heeey heeeey heeeeey (tonight)
Heeey heeeey heeeeey (tonight)

p.s. this post was brought to you by my unhealthy relationship with "Glee."

p.p.s eff Train. Seriously. Get out of my head!

songs that remind me of 2010 part 2

I was sick of Ke$ha "Tik Tok" the minute I started my job. Bitch be annoying... so I thought. Then one morning I was sitting on South Higuera and heard this song.

And I don't know... maybe I heard something that was already going on in my head in it. Maybe I was in a good mood that day. Maybe I was dressed cute. I don't know but this weird, kinda awful song crept into my heart. I will always associate it with a ridiculous inside joke between me and a friend, dancing my ass off, 4 dollar Long Beach Iced Teas the size of a Big Gulp and the feeling that man, I found my home, if even for a little while and found my family, forever.

I like your beard.

Heather.

Heather may have never remembered me, but I will always remember her. She was around during the best part of my Bakersfield life, the Misbliss days... Heather was the goddess that was my friend's wife.

Heather was a gorgeous, talented, brave, warrior woman. She was an Amazon. She may have even loved us little goth rock rug rats. What I do know is she was always extremely kind to me and a hell of lot of fun to be around.

I feel horrible because I heard what happened while I was home for Thanksgiving but it didn't click who had passed away, because of the way I got the information and because I never knew Heather by her birth last name, but as my friend's wife. My friend's last name.

Heather was never intimidating to me because she was so (excuse me) fucking inspiring to me. I loved her in this very little girl crush way. Because she was so brave and so sure of who she was. She wasn't at least in my eyes scared of anything or anyone. She was my own personal Siouxsie Sioux. I'll never forget her and a lot of my friends won't either.

Tell the people you love that you love them every day. Tell them constantly. Tell them until you're mute and they're deaf. Never let anyone you love slip away. Never let anyone you remotely care about feel alone. Never be afraid to tell people you idolize that you love them, that you care. Never. It's messy and embarrassing but it's real. Be real. Be strong. Be an Amazon.

This. When I think of Heather, this is what I think of: